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Words have the power to heal, and the power to destroy and kill


This will more than likely be my last posting for this blog, Rape Victims of the Catholic Church.

Words have the power to heal, and they have the power to destroy and kill, and all the words thrown at me, by leaders, parishioners and others, for my speaking out about my priest rape, at the hands of Father Leon Gaulin at St Thomas More parish in Durham, and for demanding justice for not only that, but for all the others, who also went through the living hell that I did. For demanding all credibly accused Popes, Cardinals, Bishops and Archbishops who covered up these crimes, be arrested and prosecuted for their crimes, and for all the other victims, who went through such Roman Catholic horrors as their Magdalene and Good Shepherd Laundries, their Industrial Homes, their Women’s and Children Homes, and their Native American Children’s homes, or about all the suicide victims of this evil, about ten thousand of us, have either blown our brains out, hung ourselves, or taken drug overdoses, or killed ourselves in other ways and I dare state that any victim who killed themselves because of this..was in fact murdered by the Church…because if they had NOT been raped and brutalized in the first place, and then treated as the evil ones, the criminals, the seducers of priests et cetera, they would NOT have killed themselves….have finished their job and destroyed me.

I have been threatened with murder, that because I speak out, people want to take me out and murder me for it.
I have been told that I did not try to kill myself too hard and I should keep trying until I finally am successful.
I have been deemed an abomination, a homosexual, because I did not punch Leon Gaulin in the face when he was raping me. Because I did not punch him, that meant I not only wanted to be raped, I loved being raped and I am a homosexual because of it.
I have been told I seduced my rapist priest.
I have been branded a lair, a gold digger out looking for a payday from the Catholic Church.
I have been told I am an Anti-Catholic hater and bigot for speaking out.

When my lawyer, Peter Hutchins and I had our investigative interview with the Manchester Diocese lawyer and investigators, I was again branded as a liar.

I told them a Somersworth Police Officer brought me to the church. I know a police officer brought me there…I know it…I can still see him in my mind, his dark uniform and his rounded hat. I can still see him standing in front of Gaulin in the lobby talking to him. I know it was a cop who brought me there…but because Somersworth Police do not drive over city limits…well then I was a liar.

I told them I had NEVER gone inside of the chapel itself. I was in the lobby first, then we went through a doorway, turned left, and then went down the hall a little ways and turned right into a bedroom. I described the bedroom, the bed, with it’s dark wool blanket, the two dark head and foot boards. I described the dark curtains in front of the window. I told them about the two nightstands and how one of them, on the left, had a small waste basket in front of it. I described the colors of the walls as block painted white. I told them again, when they asked me, if I had ever been inside of the church and I stated again NO. That I had ONLY seen the outside of the church when going by it as a kid and I seem to remeber it was red brick on the outside of the chapel of the church.

I was branded a liar again, being told the chapel was RED TILED!!!

We filed suit against them and they had the suit dismissed through using the Statue of Limitations against us, when we filed a motion for the file of Gaulin and the blueprints of the place.

What was interesting in all of this? My lawyer sent his investigator to talk to Gaulin as he was living in Maine. Not two days after the investigator talked to him, Gaulin disconnected his phone, put his house up for sale and left for Florida with his husband, where they are safe. They have enjoyed their lives. without want, without need. They had roofs over their heads, their bellies full of food, all they could ever hope for apparently, rich from their real estate company.

WHILE  I LIVED A LIFE OF LIVING AND COMPLETE HORROR AND HELL. I THOUGHT I WAS THE EVIL ONE, THAT I WAS THE ANTI-CHRIST!!! SO MUCH SO I TOOK THE NAME DAMIEN FROM THE OMEN SERIES AS MY NAME.

I WAS HOMELESS, LIVING EACH DAY, BARELY SURVIVING. LIVING UNDER HOUSES AND BRIDGES AND ABANDONED HOUSES. DIVING INTO DUMPSTERS JUST TO GET FOOD. I WOULD STEAL BECAUSE BY THEN, THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY I KNEW HOW TO SURVIVE AND I ALSO PAID FOR THOSE CRIMES.

I WAS RAPED AGAIN, PICKED UP BY SOME FREAK HITCHIKING, WHO DRUGGED ME AND I WOKE UP TO HIM RAPING ME IN THE BACK OF HIS RV.

I WAS ALMOST RAPED A THIRD TIME…BUT THIS TIME DEFENDING MYSELF AND THEN BEING CHARGED FOR IT, BECAUSE THAT SCUM TOLD THE COPS I TRIED TO ROB HIM!!!

I LOST EVERYTHING BECAUSE OF THIS…EVERYTHING.

YES, WORDS HAVE THE POWER TO HEAL AND THEY HAVE THE POWER TO DESTROY.

WHEN THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH HAD A CHANCE TO DO WHAT WAS RIGHT….THEY DID NOT. THEY AGAIN, MADE FALSE PROMISES, THEY LIED TO THOSE INVESTIGATING THEM AND PROMISED TO ABIDE BY THE LAWS AND CHARTERS SET UP TO AVOID THEIR ARREST AND PROSECUTION, AND THEN ONCE THESE CHARTERS AND LAWS WERE SET UP, THEY BROKE THEM, BECAUSE THEY NEVER HAD ANY INTENTIONS OF KEEPING THEIR WORDS IN THE FIRST PLACE, THEY JUST DID ALL THEY COULD TO AVOID ARREST AND PROSECUTION AND ONCE THEY WERE SAFE…THEY WENT AFTER US ABUSE VICTIMS…USING THAT DISGUSTING BILL DONOHUE OF THE CATHOLIC LEAGUE AS THEIR ATTACK DOG AGAINST US TO USE ADS AND TV TO UTTER VILE, EVIL, DISGUSTING THINGS AGAINST US, TO BLAME US FOR OUR RAPES, TO DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN, TO BLAME US, AND ACCEPT ABSOLUTELY NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS.

THEY CONDEMNED US..AS LIARS, AS SEDUCERS OF OUR OWN RAPISTS, AS HOMOSEXUALS BECAUSE WE DID NOT PUNCH OUR RAPIST PRIEST IN THE FACE. THEY BRANDED US AS LIARS, GOLD DIGGERS OUT LOOKING FOR A PAYDAY FROM THEIR CHURCH….AND NO ONE REALLY STOOD UP FOR US, NOT EVEN POPE FRANCIS HAS YET TO CALL THEM ON THE CARPET FOR THEIR EVIL, NASTY, DISGUSTING ATTACKS AGAINST US!!!! HE HAS NOT EVEN OFFERED ONE WORD IN DEFENSE OF US AGAINST THESE ATTACKS, BUT REMAINS MUTE AND SILENT ON THEM. HE DOES NOT DEMAND THEY STOP THEIR ATTACKS AGAINST US…NOPE.

BUT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO TRUST HIM? YEAH RIGHT….THAT WOULD BE LIKE A BLACK MAN OR WOMAN TRUSTING THE KKK OR JEWISH MEN OR WOMEN TRUSTING THE NAZI’S…BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY COMPARRISON I CAN EVEN THINK OF WHEN THEY DEMAND OF US TO TRUST THEM…

Well I have had it.

But I am not going to go and kill myself in some out of the way place. I am not going to kill myself where my voice will NEVER be heard because of  the reason why I killed myself.

Cardinal Timothy Dolan….you cried about YOUR unjust burderns and suffering that would happen to YOU if New York ended their One Year Statue of Limitations with the following:

Dolan also explained that he wanted to keep the statute of limitations for child sex abuse victims to one-year, because if the church gets sued, “The perpetrators don’t suffer. There’s no burden on them. What suffers are the services and the ministries of the apostolates that we’re doing now. Because where does the money come from? So the bishops of 30 years ago that allegedly may have reassigned abusers, they don’t suffer. They’re dead. So the people that suffer are those who are being served right now by the church. We feel that’s a terribly unjust burden.”

Well then Dolan…YOU WILL SEE WHAT REAL TERRIBLE, UNJUST BURDENS I HAVE CARRIED BECAUSE OF YOUR ACTIONS, YOUR WORDS AND THE WORDS OF YOUR ATTACK DOG BILL DONOHUE AGAINST US…OH AND DO NOT WORRY YOU HOLY MAN OF GOD….I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTIONS OF HARMING YOU OR DONOHUE…BUT YOU WILL WITNESS THE HARM YOU AND OTHERS OF YOUR CHURCH HAVE DONE TO ME.

SO CARDINAL TIMOTHY DOLAN…YOU WISH FOR ME TO JUST KILL MYSELF SO YOU NEVER HAVE TO HEAR MY VOICE AGAIN? YOUR BUDDY BILL WANTS THE SAME? WELL OK….IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT….THEN THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL GET!!

BUT YOU WILL IN FACT WITNESS MY SUICIDE…RIGHT BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES…SO BEFORE I DIE….YOU CAN LOOK INTO THEM…INTO MY EYES…AND WITNESS THE HORROR THERE, TO SEE THE TERRIBLE, UNJUST BURDEN YOUR PRIEST AND YOUR CHURCH HAS DONE TO ME….AND I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT LOOK IN MY EYES…BEFORE I TURN THEM OFF…AND I HOPE THAT STAYS WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE….THAT MY EYES, MY DEAD, SOULESS EYES, MY EYES OF PAIN AND SUFFERING, MY EYES OF THAT TERRIBLE UNJUST BURDEN, I HAVE CARRIED FOR OH SO LONG…..WILL HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

SO BE READY CARDINAL TIMOTHY DOLAN….YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I DARE HAVE THE GUTS TO STAND UP TO YOU AND THE OTHERS AND YOU WANT ME TO SHUT MY MOUTH? WELL SOON, CARDINAL TIMOTHY DOLAN…VERY, VERY SOON….YOU WILL GET YOUR WISH…

I GOT SOME GOODBYES FIRST TO SAY…TO THOSE WHO DID LOVE ME, TO THOSE WHO DID ALL THEY COULD, WITH WORDS OF LOVE AND KINDNESS, TO HELP ME…AND ONCE THAT IS DONE…CARDINAL TIMOTHY DOLAN….YOU WILL SEE ME…BUT FEAR NOT CARDINAL…NO HARM WILL BE BROUGHT TO YOU…I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO WISH TO HARM YOU PHYSICALLY…I HAVE NO PLANS TO ATTACK YOU…CAUSE CONTRARY TO YOUR OPINION OF ME….I DO NOT GO OUT AND DO WHAT YOU HAVE CLAIMED I AM….

BUT I WANT YOU…TO LOOK INTO MY HORRIFIED EYES…MY EYES THAT CARRY THIS INCREDIBLY EVIL, UJUST BURDEN…RIGHT BEFORE I DIE.

Understanding Clergy Sexual ‘Abuse’ as Torture


Understanding Clergy Sexual ‘Abuse’ as Torture

Pope Francis asked us for forgiveness..my response to him


This is my first communion. I am in the first row with my two brothers. My older brother Joe on the left of me, my twin brother Paul on my right.

This is my first communion. I am in the first row with my two brothers. My older brother Joe on the left of me, my twin brother Paul on my right.

Not so long ago, Pope Francis asked priest abuse victims for forgiveness.

Yet how do those of us, whom were raped and had our souls stolen from us, whom committed suicide because of it, can give him forgiveness, or any of us so harmed, when he refuses to clean house of all the Cardinals, Bishops and Archbishops whom covered up these evil crimes and are still sitting in the positions that they are in?

How can Paul Anthony Carson, whom upon seeing the priest whom raped him walking down the street and then going home and hanging himself, being found by his parents, forgive him?

How can Emma Foster, whom was raped by Father Kevin O’Donnell, while at a primary school whom committed suicide because of it, forgive him?

How can Daniel Neill, whom committed suicide because of his rapist priest, Joseph Gallagher, forgive him?

How can the 30 boys raped at the St Alipius primary school, whom committed suicide forgive him for their rapes?

How can David M. Jarboe Jr. whom stepped into the parking lot of downtown Owensboro’s Blessed Mother Catholic Church and because of his horror from his priest rape, blew his brains out, forgive him?

How can the 40 suicide victims of another parish in Victoria Australia forgive him?

Or the thirteen victims of priest rape whom committed suicide in Belgium forgive him?

Or the thousands of others, whom committed suicide, because of their rapes and soul tortures by their pedophile priests forgive him?

How can the parents and relatives of these children, ever forgive him? Whom lost their child, due to the brutal rapes and soul destruction of them.

How can the parents of Paul Anthony Carson, whom cut him down, and were devastated forgive him? Or any of the other parents?

None of them can. Matter of fact, they are supposedly in hell, burning for all eternity, because the pain and suffering brought on by their rapes by Roman Catholic priests, committed suicide, which the RC teaches that if you do commit suicide, then you will burn in hell for eternity. I don’t believe they are. I believe they are in Paradise, free from all of their suffering, at peace and filled with light and love. They are the true Angels, the Guardians, the Protectors of us still here.

The horror, the suffering, the pain, of those of us, whom were raped, whom had our souls stolen from us, whom then were continually brutalized by the leaders of the church, whom told us we were to blame for our rapes, that we seduced their priests, that because we did not punch our rapist priests in the face, that meant we not only wanted to be raped, we enjoyed our rapes and we are homosexuals because of it, with all the connotations that goes along with that evil declaration against us, have driven many of us to kill ourselves. Or that we should consider our rapes as gifts from God, or many other equally disgusting insults thrown at us by those leaders whom are supposed to help us heal.

In my opinion, the Roman Catholic Church, from Pope Francis, to the Cardinals such as Timothy Dolan, Donald Wuerl, Roger Mahony, Bernard Law, John Niedstedt,  and many others, Bishops and Archbishops, are just as responsible, not only for the rapes of these men and women, but also for the suicides of these victims. They drove many to commit suicide over what they said about us, and that makes them as responsible for these suicide deaths as if they pulled the triggers themselves. You do not insult, nor you do not blame the victims of rape for their rapes.

No Pope Francis, until you do what you have promised us you would do. Clean house, stop fighting us victims when we seek justice for the crimes committed against us, with the church lawyers getting our cases dismissed using the statues of limitations.

When Parishioners start caring more about us, their very children of the church, whom were raped and brutalized, and many of you turned your backs on your own children, because you would rather support the leaders of your churches, over your very own children.

When people stand up and demand that the disgusting attacks against us, like Bill Donohue of the Catholic League, whom claims we seduced our priests, whom claims because we did not punch our rapist priests in the face when they were raping us, thereby, we not only wanted to be raped, we enjoyed our rapes and we are homosexuals because of it.

Then maybe, we will find it to forgive you all. We cannot do so, until all of you, truly repent, and start standing up for us, instead of those whom so harmed us.


The Catechism of the Catholic Church speaks about rape.

PART THREE
LIFE IN CHRIST

SECTION TWO
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

CHAPTER TWO
“YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF”

ARTICLE 6
THE SIXTH COMMANDMENT

II The Vocation to Chastity:

Offenses Against Chastity

2356: Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the education of the children entrusted to them. 

Start living up to your Catechism teachings. Start standing up for your sons and daughters whom had their lives devastated by a pedophile priest of this church. How many more of your children must die? How many more of your children will commit suicide before you finally wake up and realize that YOU MUST stand up for your own children over the Pope, Cardinals, Bishops and Archbishops of the Roman Catholic Church?

How many more parents are going to come home and find their child dead because of this evil?

Editorial: Extension of child sexual abuse statute of limitations to help many survivors


Editorial: Extension of child sexual abuse statute of limitations to help many survivors

From the link: http://www.masslive.com/opinion/index.ssf/2014/07/editorial_child_sexual_abuse_s.html

By The Republican Editorials
on July 18, 2014 at 4:10 PM

Victims of child sexual abuse now have until they reach the age of 53 to sue the perpetrators of this heinous and all too common crime.

The law, signed by Gov. Deval Patrick last week, extends the statute of limitations for civil lawsuits by three decades. Until last week the statute of limitations expired at the age of 21.

This change will mean that those who are traumatized will have additional time to decide whether to pursue civil litigation, which can be harrowing and difficult at best, traumatizing at worst.

The criminal statute of limitations was extended in 2006 from 15 years after a victim’s 16th birthday to 27 years.

Kathy Picard, of Ludlow, worked for a dozen years to get the law changed, and last week she stood with Gov. Deval Patrick as he signed the bill.

Picard said she told family members about her childhood sexual abuse, which took place from the time she was 7 to 17, and like so many of her generation, she was told to keep quiet.

Congratulations to Picard for her persistence. Her work will help others attain a small measure of justice.

The floodgates are likely to open now, as adult victims pursue justice to right a wrong that can never be justified or fully atoned for or paid for through a legal settlement or penalty.

Ultimately, changing the past would be the only way to fully compensate victims for the damage done to their bodies, psyches and spirits.

Bill Donohue…please remove the Cardinals penis from your mouth


Bill Donohue, the dick sucker for Cardinals Timothy Dolan, Donald Wuerl, Roger Mahony, George Pell, William Leveda, Sean Brady, Keith O’Brien, Francis George, Bernard Law and many others, and of course Bishops like Lynn…..sure does love having these Cardinals and Bishops penises in his mouth when he speaks for them. So tell us Bill, is their jizz holy? Does it taste like the communion wafer or the wine? Do you gargle with it all before you spew forth their words? Do you swallow before the picture you have of your newly elected Patron Saint of Pedophiles Pope John Paul II? Or do you swallow it first? Come on Bill…inquiring minds want to know!!!!

But Bill….you went on The Steve Malzberg show the other day and blew your creamy load you collected from your mouth by your buddy Pedophile Pimp Cardinals all over yourself and others. When Bill are you going to swallow, instead of spewing your disgusting nastiness all over the place?

Get the facts straight Billy Bob…..

A study done by The National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect found that even though only 25% of citizens in the U.S. are Roman Catholic, 54% of the sexual abuse cases were perpetrated by Catholic priests. The church has paid at least 2.6 billion to settle sexual abuse cases. In 2007 alone the Los Angeles Archdiocese on July 15 announced the largest church settlement of sexual abuse lawsuits to date, agreeing to pay more than 500 alleged victims a total of $660 million. The abuse continues and the wealthy Vatican is easily able to cover these claims. The Vatican even has insurance policies to cover these operating costs.

Even Pope Francis admits: Pope Francis has revealed that “reliable data” collected by the Vatican suggests that one in every 50 members of the Catholic clergy is a paedophile.

Bill "Pig Face" Donohue, degenerate leader of the Catholic League

Bill “Pig Face” Donohue, degenerate leader of the Catholic League for the Defense of Roman Catholic Pedophile Pimps, Priests and assorted Perverts of the RCC.

The Catholic League’s Bill Donohue was a guest on yesterday’s edition of “The Steve Malzberg Show” on Newsmax TV where he was asked by guest-host Ed Berliner what Pope Francis could do to “clean up the Catholic Church” and put an end to the sexual abuse of children within the church.

Donohue responded that there was not much the Pope could do … mostly because sexual abuse of children is not a problem in the church any more.

“This problem that took place,” Donohue asserted, “was between approximately 1965 and 1985. That coincides with the sexual revolution and then the discovery of AIDS in ’81.”

“What I am saying,” he continued, “is that this problem has largely been checked.”

Declaring that other institutions, such as public schools, have a much worse problem with sexual abuse than does the church, Donohue said there was no problem for Pope Francis to even address.

“So what can this Pope do? About what? I mean, I don’t know of a single institution which has less of a problem, proportionately speaking, today than the Catholic Church when it comes to the sexual abuse of minors”:
– See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/donohue-no-institution-has-less-problem-sexual-abuse-catholic-church#sthash.f5sqUWr6.dpuf

SO PLEASE BILL…KEEP GARGLING YOUR PEDOPHILE PIMPS SPERM…YOU MAKE SUCH FUNNY NOISES WHEN YOU DO.

The Catholic League’s Bill Donohue was a guest on yesterday’s edition of “The Steve Malzberg Show” on Newsmax TV where he was asked by guest-host Ed Berliner what Pope Francis could do to “clean up the Catholic Church” and put an end to the sexual abuse of children within the church.

Donohue responded that there was not much the Pope could do … mostly because sexual abuse of children is not a problem in the church any more.

“This problem that took place,” Donohue asserted, “was between approximately 1965 and 1985. That coincides with the sexual revolution and then the discovery of AIDS in ’81.”

“What I am saying,” he continued, “is that this problem has largely been checked.”

Declaring that other institutions, such as public schools, have a much worse problem with sexual abuse than does the church, Donohue said there was no problem for Pope Francis to even address.

“So what can this Pope do? About what? I mean, I don’t know of a single institution which has less of a problem, proportionately speaking, today than the Catholic Church when it comes to the sexual abuse of minors”:

– See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/donohue-no-institution-has-less-problem-sexual-abuse-catholic-church#sthash.f5sqUWr6.dpuf

The Catholic League’s Bill Donohue was a guest on yesterday’s edition of “The Steve Malzberg Show” on Newsmax TV where he was asked by guest-host Ed Berliner what Pope Francis could do to “clean up the Catholic Church” and put an end to the sexual abuse of children within the church.

Donohue responded that there was not much the Pope could do … mostly because sexual abuse of children is not a problem in the church any more.

“This problem that took place,” Donohue asserted, “was between approximately 1965 and 1985. That coincides with the sexual revolution and then the discovery of AIDS in ’81.”

“What I am saying,” he continued, “is that this problem has largely been checked.”

Declaring that other institutions, such as public schools, have a much worse problem with sexual abuse than does the church, Donohue said there was no problem for Pope Francis to even address.

“So what can this Pope do? About what? I mean, I don’t know of a single institution which has less of a problem, proportionately speaking, today than the Catholic Church when it comes to the sexual abuse of minors”:

– See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/donohue-no-institution-has-less-problem-sexual-abuse-catholic-church#sthash.f5sqUWr6.dpuf

Pope Francis: ‘One in 50’ Catholic priests, bishops and cardinals are paedophiles


Pope Francis: ‘One in 50’ Catholic priests, bishops and cardinals are paedophiles

Pope Admits there are Child Rapists at Every Level in the Church

Francis pledged to drive out the ‘leprocy’ of child abuse from the Church

by Adam Withnall

Published 13/07/2014|15:37

From the link: http://theenchantingvalley.ning.com/profiles/blogs/pope-admits-there-are-child-rapists-at-every-level-in-the-church?xg_source=activity

Blogger Notes: A study done by The National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect found that even though only 25% of citizens in the U.S. are Roman Catholic, 54% of the sexual abuse cases were perpetrated by Catholic priests. The church has paid at least 2.6 billion to settle sexual abuse cases. In 2007 alone the Los Angeles Archdiocese on July 15 announced the largest church settlement of sexual abuse lawsuits to date, agreeing to pay more than 500 alleged victims a total of $660 million. The abuse continues and the wealthy Vatican is easily able to cover these claims. The Vatican even has insurance policies to cover these operating costs.

 

This is a startling revelation which would mean that of the 396,476 priests currently in service (265,320 are Diocesan and 130,728 are Congregational)  there are 7,929 priests who could be categorised as being child sexual abusers made up of 5,306 which are Diocesan and 2,614 which are Congregational. What is not clear is to what set or group His Holiness Pope Francis is referring and in reference to what period. The statistic of 2% translates in a huge number of victims which is by far the more important statistic to be drawn from this revelation. It translates into anything from 400,000 to 2,000,000 children sexually abused by catholic priests. Mark Vincent Healy – CCSA Survivor and Campaigner who met with Pope Francis last week – See more at: http://www.independent.ie/world-news/pope-francis-one-in-50-catholic-priests-bishops-and-cardinals-are-paedophiles-30427696.html#comments

Pope Francis has revealed that “reliable data” collected by the Vatican suggests that one in every 50 members of the Catholic clergy is a paedophile.

Speaking in an interview with La Repubblica, the Pope said his advisors had tried to “reassure” him that paedophilia within the Church was “at the level of two per cent”.

He pledged that he would drive away the “leprosy” of child abuse that was infecting the “house” of Catholicism.

“I find this state of affairs intolerable,” he said.

Pope Francis said his advisors at the Vatican had given him the two per cent estimate, which included “priests, bishops and cardinals”.

He also warned of much greater figures for people who were aware of the existence of abuse – sometimes within their own families – but who stayed silent because of corruption or fear.

His comments came a week after the Pope met with six victims of clerical paedophilia to apologise for their abuse at the hands of priests.

The meeting, with six British, Irish and German Catholics, was designed to acknowledge the gravity of the Church’s guilt and complicity.

Despite Pope Francis’s popularity, there has been criticism of Francis for failing to take a high-profile stand against the global paedophilia scandal.

His predecessor, Benedict XVI, met with victims of sexual abuse by priests, in Washington in 2008. He then met with victims in Australia, Germany, Malta and the UK.

In February and May, critical reports released by two separate UN committees condemned the Church’s “code of silence” on paedophile priests. It said this silence was allowing known sex offenders to continue working with children.

Independent News Service

Pope Francis asked us to forgive him?


Pope Francis asked us survivors of priest rape and nun abuse of the Roman Catholic Church to forgive him the other day.
After talking to quite a few of my brother and sister survivors well….we find it rather insulting. These are the reasons why.

1. To be forgiven you MUST repent. Even Jesus Christ says this. To repent means you turn away from the evil you are asking forgiveness for. So has the Roman Catholic Church and Pope Francis and those whom committed either the crimes of cover ups and moving around of pedophile priests, or the priests themselves whom raped and abused us, and thus destroying our faiths, our lives, truly repented? In the opinions of the majority of priest and nun abuse survivors the answer is a resounding NO.

To truly show repentance, the Roman Catholic Church and Pope Francis must show real concrete action in cleaning this mess up and not just lip service and more empty promises to us.

Pope Francis MUST immediately fire and prosecute to the fullest extent the law allows and give the harshest penalties to all credibly accused Cardinals, Bishops and Archbishops whom there is overwhelming evidence against they participated in these cover ups. We have positive proof many Cardinals, Bishops and Archbishops did in fact cover up these crimes against us. Through their own words, through Church documents, through whistleblower accounts by the likes of Father Thomas Doyle and other brave priests, nuns and yes, leaders whom find this evil just as disgusting as we do and a cancer destroying this church, we do in fact have overwhelming evidence, that if these people were brought before a court of law, they would be convicted of their crimes of cover ups. 80% of the Cardinals and other leaders currently in the United States participated in this cover up, there is more than enough evidence against them to prove this.

Their excuses are weak, they did not know this was a crime is one of the biggest insults that can be said to us. This has been said by many of those whom covered up these crimes, or that they were ill prepared to deal with this. Well to the victims of these crimes..this is just another example of hey…we know what we did was wrong, but we will make any excuse to cover our butts.

2. Another priest was found whom raped children and is now safely in Paraguay. His name is Father Carlos Urrutigoity. This is just one more of dozens of other priests whom have still escaped justice through the help of the Roman Catholic Church along with such Cardinals as Bernard Law.

Again, despite the clear warning, and complaints of sexual misconduct against him, Urrutigoity was allowed to continue living and working in the Diocese of Scranton. Two years later, he was being accused of sexual misconduct again, this time in court.

In a 2002 lawsuit against Urrutigoity, and another priest Eric Ensey and the Diocese of Scranton, the two priests were accused of a pattern of sexual misconduct. Urrutigoity was accused of giving alcohol and cigars to teenagers, sharing beds and sleeping bags with seminarians and inappropriately touching at least two young men. The alleged acts were cloaked in a bizarre dogma upon which Urrutigoity and Ensey had founded their society.

One former member of the Society of St. John said in a deposition that he slept in the same bed as Urrutigoity after the priest said it would help him overcome his “puritanical attitude.” After a few months of their sharing a bed, the seminarian woke one night to find the priest’s hand first on his abdomen, then on his penis.

In a deposition for the lawsuit, a former seminarian in Minnesota said Urrutigoity asked him to insert anal suppositories in front of him. When he refused, the young man said in a deposition, Urrutigoity was furious, calling the act a betrayal. Urrutigoity at least twice invited him to sleep in the same bed, the man said in the deposition. One night, he woke up to find Urrutigoity was molesting him, the seminarian said.

The Diocese of Scranton settled the lawsuit in 2004 for more than $400,000. It also sent Urrutigoity and Ensey to The Southdown Institute, an organization in Canada, for a detailed psychological evaluation.Instead he should have been defrocked and turned over to the police for prosecution.

Following that evaluation, the Diocese of Scranton’s Independent Review Board made its recommendation, which was noted in the confidential minutes of the board meeting:

“In view of the credible allegation from the seminarian, his admitted practice of sleeping with boys and young men, and the troubling evaluation by the Southdown Institute, Father Carlos Urrutigoity should be removed from active ministry; his faculties should be revoked; he should be asked to live privately.”

A criminal investigation launched by the Lackawanna County district attorney was stymied by a lack of cooperation from St. Gregory’s and Pennsylvania’s short statute of limitations on sex crimes, said Tom Dubas, the lead investigator on the case. Dubas wanted to launch a grand jury investigation, but never had the chance.

“As soon as it got out that I was interested in a grand jury, both priests just disappeared,” Dubas said. “We never did convene one.”
Then, in 2008, Urrutigoity began making headlines again, this time in far eastern Paraguay in the den of iniquity known as the Tri-Border Area.

In 2008, Javier Miranda, a Ciudad del Este resident who was once an active volunteer at local churches, learned of a recent influx of international priests. He decided to research the newcomers.

It didn’t take Miranda long to unearth the scandals that had followed Urrutigoity. Immediately, he protested against the priest’s presence in the diocese, and was soon joined by dozens more local volunteers and even a group of 12 local priests, who in 2009 signed a letter denouncing Urrutigoity as a divisive figure.

The bishop of Ciudad del Este, Rogelio Ricardo Livieres Plano, responded with a spirited defense of Urrutigoity, The priest had been slandered and persecuted, Livieres said. Miranda and other critics should join with the church in praying for a peaceful end to the controversy, he wrote on the diocese’s website.Miranda said far from being welcomed, he and the other vocal critics were ostracized by the church. Undeterred, Livieres continued to support Urrutigoity, not only was Urrutigoity active in the Catholic church in Paraguay, but he had been promoted to the position of vicar general, essentially the second most powerful post in the diocese of Ciudad del Este.

This rapist priest is still protected by the church. There are dozens and dozens more just like him, still protected and defended by those of the Roman Catholic Church.

This priest and all the others, including Cardinals like Bernard Law, whom is still protected by the Vatican, should be immediately fired, defrocked and prosecuted.

3. The church must stop hiding behind the statue of limitations they use against victims to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and paying for their crimes against us and make things right with the victims. Anything less would be pure hypocrisy.

They MUST keep their words and promises to us they signed onto with their Pledge to Protect and Promise to Heal charters with the Attorney Generals of each state.

The disgusting attacks against the priest rape victims MUST END. No more telling us because we did not punch our priests, we were responsible for our own rapes, or that we wanted to be raped and we enjoyed it and we are homosexuals because of it. No more blame games being put upon the victims of these evil crimes.

This is NOT a homosexual problem, this is a pedophile, hebephile and ephebophile problem. This is not just a sin, this is a crime, a FELONY crime and should be looked upon as such and these people whom have committed these crimes should be prosecuted. Just because they are the religious leaders of your church that does NOT give you the right to avoid prosecution for crimes you have committed, especially ones of rape, abuse and torture of children and teens. No more telling us priest rape survivors that we must forgive but must NEVER seek prosecution because that is Anti-Catholic and bigoted of us. Yes this problem exists in other denominations and other sections of the population. We find all of these crimes evil, disgusting and anyone whom rapes a child or covers it up should be arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and this means EVERYONE whom commits these crimes, whether they be a Roman Catholic or anyone else. Just because you wear a religious robe should NOT give you an out from being prosecuted for your crimes. If anything, they should be prosecuted with that much more vigor because these people portray themselves to be the moral leaders, the spiritual leaders, the head of the church. Jesus Christ would condemn them, so why should not we? Jesus Christ would say they should be prosecuted…for did he not say render unto God that which is Gods and render unto Man that which is Man’s? That means not only are we supposed to follow Gods laws, but mans laws to. Raping children and covering up these crimes are not only contrary to Gods laws, but man’s laws too.

In conclusion…if Pope Francis and the Roman Catholic Church wishes for us survivors of these evil, disgusting crimes against us, then they must first truly repent. This means doing all that I have described. If we were to forgive this, right now, without true repentance shown on your part Pope Francis then that would make us hypocrites.

For even Jesus Christ said…to be forgiven of your sins. you must first truly repent of your sins.

It is time for all good people to bring justice to the Roman Catholic Abuse Survivors


We arrest, we try, we convict and we imprison and execute, people whom rape children and murder children. This is the supposed norm of what we do to those whom prey on children. Yet we allow one religious organization, to rape children, to murder children, to destroy children with impunity, without going after them, without arresting them, without prosecuting them, without imprisioning them or executing them in the most horrible and gruesome fashion we can think of, because when you rape or murder a child, this is exactly what you deserve….but hey…the

UNHOLY, ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH OF PEDOPHILE PIMP LEADERS, PEDOPHILE PRIESTS, PSYCHO ABUSIVE NUNS, AND FREAK PARISHIONERS WHOM LOVE THESE PEOPLE WHOM RAPE AND MURDER THEIR OWN CHILDREN ARE ABOVE THE FUCKING LAW.

We have overwhelming, concrete, irrefutable proof, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if this evidence was heard by a jury, these scumbags would be convicted of their crimes….that the leaders of the Unholy Roman Catholic Church of Pedophiles…have moved rapist priests from parish to parish, state to state, country to country and are STILL DOING THIS TO THIS VERY DAY.

We have overwhelming, concrete, irrefutable proof, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if this evidence was heard by a jury, these scumbags would be convicted of their crimes, that these leaders and others of the Roman Catholic Church have in fact murdered children. We have the bodies and the graves to prove it. Yet again, the Unholy Roman Catholic Church seems to be above the law and not one of these evil fucks have every been arrested nor prosecuted for their crimes.

IT IS TIME, FOR ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE, THE GOOD, DECENT, HONEST, MORAL PEOPLE OF THE WORLD TO GATHER TOGETHER AND JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIE NETWORK….SAY WE ARE MAD AS HELL AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANY FUCKING LONGER!!!

WE NEED REAL PEOPLE TO FINALLY SAY…ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, WE WILL NOT ALLOW ONE MORE OF OUR CHILDREN TO BE RAPED, TO BE ABUSED, TO BE MURDERED BY THESE SCUM OF THE UNHOLY ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH.

WE AS A PEOPLE, NEED TO COME TOGETHER, TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM THESE EVIL, SOULESS, MONSTERS WHOM HIDE BEHIND RELIGIOUS ROBES….AND WE MUST DESTROY THEM AS A PEOPLE. WE MUST TAKE A STAND.

WE MUST STAND UP FOR OUR CHILDREN…WE MUST PLACE THE LIVES OF OUR CHILDREN FIRST, ABOVE THESE RELIGIOUS, SADISTIC, PSYCHOTIC FREAKS. WE MUST DESTROY COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY THESE PEOPLE OF SATAN, WHOM DESTROY LIVES.

ONLY UNTIL WE HAVE CARDINALS SUCH AS TIMOTHY DOLAN, BERNARD LAW, JUSTIN RIGALI, ROGER MAHONY, DOLAND WUERL, POPE EMERITUS BENEDICT AND ALL THE OTHERS, THEIR BODIES ROTTING WHILE SWINGING ON ROPES, HANGED IN FRONT OF THEIR VATICAN AND IN ST PETERS SQUARE FOR ALL TO SEE….THAT WE WILL NO LONGER PUT UP WITH THEIR POPES, CARDINALS, BISHOPS, ARCHBISHOPS, PRIESTS AND NUNS…RAPING OUR CHILDREN, MURDERING OUR CHILDREN AND THINKING THEY ARE ABOVE THE LAW BECAUSE THEY ARE THE LEADERS OF THIS PSYCHOTIC RELIGIOUS SECT.

WE EXECUTE CHILD RAPISTS AND MURDERERS ALL THE TIME, WE IMPRISON FOR LIFE EVIL, SOULESS, MORALESS, SCUMBAGS LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.

WELL IT IS TIME TO START DOING THE SAME THING WITH THE PEDOPHILE PIMPS, PRIESTS, NUNS AND THE SCUM OF THE UNHOLY ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH.

Frank J LaFerriere

Final Thoughts


A long time ago, I used to believe in a God and a Jesus Christ. I thought they were kind of cool really. Then came that night, about 34 years ago now, that all of this changed. That was the night that Fr Leon Gaulin, priest at St Thomas More parish in Durham New Hampshire decided he was going to show me the True God and Jesus Christ.

See I also grew up believing that God and Jesus loved us children. I remember anyone saying that if you harmed a hair on our heads, well it would be better if you tied a huge rock around your neck and throw yourself into the deepest of lakes than to harm a single hair on our heads. Gee what kind of hellish punishment awaits someone whom would harm a child? I came to find out. NONE!!!

ZIP, ZILCH, NADA, ZERO, NONE. NOPE NOT GONNA HAPPEN, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE ONE OF GODS OR JESUS CHRISTS PRIESTS AND THEY ARE RAPING YOU, OR THE LEADERS OF THEIR CHURCH WHOM AIDED IN OUR RAPES BY THEIR MOVING THESE PEDOPHILE PERVERTS AROUND.

I admit, I tried, oh how I tried, to believe in them again. I remember going to St Mary’s Episcopal…..nope no God there, nor Jesus Christ….just a bunch of two faced hypocrites…trying to one-upmanship each other.  I tried with the Baptists too. Hell I even went to Bangor Theological Seminary to study the Word of God and become a preacher. But nope….nothing there either…..seems every place I went to look for this God and this Jesus….they were not there…just a reasonable facsimile dressed up in religious robes spewing bullshit. About how God loves us all. About how Jesus loves us all. About how God will NEVER give you more than you can handle and bear and if he does…well then come to me all you whom are heavy laden with burdens, lay them at my feet and I shall take care of them….yeah right….just like a lawyer whom was supposed to take care of my case against the rapist did eh?

Then I learn that God and Jesus Christ has been just as much a hypocrite as their followers are…well most of those whom claim they follow……see apparently God and Jesus says they abhor evil. They hate evil, especially evil done to children…again and again…they state this in their supposed Word of God book called the Bible. Yet each and every day…thousands upon thousands of children are tortured, raped, beaten, murdered, go to bed starving, are sold into sex slavery for perverts. Or they are raped and abused big time by those whom proclaim that they are the moral leaders of the churches of this religion. Thousands upon thousands of those, whom dare call themselves priests, ministers, pastors, rabbis, etc…you know those holy people labels….have raped and destroyed children’s and teens lives.

Don’t believe me? Go to this link and check the cases….thousands upon thousands upon thousands of those whom proclaim to be God’s and Jesus Christs moral leaders and teachers raping and abusing children…and of course….God and Jesus…whom are supposed to love, defend and protect the children…turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to it all.

http://m.dailykos.com/story/2011/11/14/1036483/-For-People-Following-Clergy-Sex-Abuse-Here-Is-A-Current-List

So how can I explain my reasoning for what I am about to do in a way that people can really understand?

I could go the blunt way…I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT…I AM DONE BEGGING FOR A GOD AND A JESUS CHRIST TO HELP ME…THEN TURN AROUND AND SEE THEM NOT. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF GOD AND JESUS CHRIST AND MOST OF THEIR FOLLOWERS BEING DEAD ASSED HYPOCRITES. GOD AND JESUS ARE SUPPOSED TO ABHOR EVIL, PUNISH THE WICKED AND BLESS THE GOOD…BUT INSTEAD THEY DO THE EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE. THEY ARE HYPOCRITES AND THEN FOR BEING HYPOCRITES…I AM SUPPOSED TO BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP THEM, THANK THEM FOR BEING RAPED, ETC…AND LOVE THEM FOR IT….BUT THEN TURN AROUND AND HOPE AND PRAY THEY WILL GIVE ME A BREAK? FUCK THAT.

I could go this way….a way to truly explain it.

I met this man named Louis Romano. Seemed like a good guy standing up for priest abuse victims. Came out with a book called Intercession. Now Louis was a big cheering fan of mine, especially with my standing up to that disgusting, degenerate defender of Pedophile Pimps and Pedophile Priests, Bill Pig Face Donohue, President of the Catholic League for the Defense and Protection of the Pedophile Pimps and Priests of the Unholy Roman Catholic Church. He would tell me when I would get beaten up pretty bad…don’t stop…I support you…if you ever need anything get a hold of me.

Now it was nice that when I did get arrested for the Donohue crap he contributed some to the bail money…$50.00. So there I was…being used like a punching dummy. losing everything because of the other Roman Catholic piggies attacking me and destroying my life…and I went to him for help and his most infamous words….I will never forget. This is what he offered for help.

“Well at least you can check into a mental hospital, at least you will have a roof over your head. But hey…I know it is hard, but don’t stop fighting Donohue, I am behind you every step of the way.”

Yuppers….just like God and Jesus Christ…..they are supposedly behind me in fighting this evil, they supposedly abhor anyone whom harms even a single hair on the head of a child, they supposedly cannot stand even the sight of evil, and roundly condemn hypocrites and the Pharisee and Sadducee. So you fight this evil and what does God and Jesus Christ do when you beg them for help?

They fucking tell you to go check into a mental hospital.

Nope in my opinion, from this long fucking life of pain, suffering, poverty, injustice, and pure, unadulterated evil? God and Jesus are either not there…they are fake, or they are there and they just do not give a shit…or this God and Jesus are actually the Satan and Evil Ones and prove it by turning their backs on the children….while defending those pedophile pimps and priests whom did this evil to us.

So again…I am supposed to get down on my knees and thank this God and this Jesus Christ, for my rapes, for my abuses, for my losses, for my injustices, for my poverty, for my fucked up life….and I am not supposed to get mad…because hey…God and Jesus works in mysterious ways and always have a plan laid out for you….so if your a child let me clue you in on something.

If someone mentions God or Jesus Christ to you, especially a priest, a minister, a preacher, a rabbi or others?

RUN KID….IT IS A TRAP….THESE PERVERTS ARE ONLY TRYING TO PROGRAM YOU…SO THAT WHEN THEY RAPE YOU….THEIR GOD AND JESUS CHRIST CAN SIT THERE UP IN HEAVEN FILMING IT SO THEY CAN SHOW IT AT THE NEXT PORNO PARTY…BECAUSE NOTHING GETS A GOD AND A JESUS MORE FUCKING HARD THAN THE SCREAMS OF CHILDREN BEING RAPED, BEING BEATEN, BEING TORTURED, CRYING OUT FOR THEIR HELP…BUT TURNING THEIR FUCKING BACKS ON THEIR CRIES…AND PROTECTING THE FUCKING EVIL SCUM WHOM ARE DOING THIS.

SO FUCK IT…GOD AND JESUS…..YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES…I AM OUTTA HERE…I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE, COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY REJECT….YOUR LIFE YOU HAVE SUPPOSEDLY GIVEN TO ME. YOU CAN NOW TAKE THIS AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR PEDOPHILE, CHILD ABUSING LOVING FUCKING ASSES.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO HELP ME? FINE. FUCK YOU…GO HELP THE RAPISTS OF CHILDREN BECAUSE THAT IS ALL YOU ARE FUCKING GOOD FOR AND YOU HAVE PROVEN IT TIME, AND TIME, AND TIME, AND TIME, AND TIME AND TIME AND TIME AND TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

YOU WANT ME TO LOVE AND WORSHIP YOU FOR THIS? FUCK YOU.

SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS…BUT FIRST REMOVE THE FUCKING PRIESTS DICK FROM YOUR ASS.

I have also learned you never stand up to God, Jesus Christ or their Pedophile Pimps and Priests or any of their religious holy people whom rape children or assault children, or beat children, or torture children…because as it also says in the bible

‘SUFFER THE LITTLE CHILDREN THAT THEY MAY COME UNTO ME.”
Fuck you God…Jesus…we have suffered enough and we certainly are not coming unto you…because you have proven to us again and again and again, you would rather defend, bless and protect the scumbag Pedophile Pimps and Priests than you would those whom they raped and destroyed.

And you say your the lovers, defenders and protectors of children?

Yeah fucking right and I got a bridge to sell ya.

But hey…that is ok….you have shown me this again and again and again…and now….you can fucking shove it up your fucking pedophile loving ass…because I REFUSE to live under this tyranny of your shit any longer. Go make one of those fat fucking Cardinals like Timothy Dolan starve for a while…he looks like a fucking piggy.

A Priest Rape Survivor told to count his blessings…ok.


I was told by a few Christians that instead of being pissed off at God and Jesus for all the wrongs done to me by those claiming to be followers of theirs, to count my blessings. The gist goes…If I count my blessings and then count the wrongs…the blessings will far rise above the wrongs.

So I took a few days to ponder this weighty question. Here is my answer:

First let me quantify something here. Even though I hate God and Jesus….it is NOT the kind of God and Jesus I read about and believe in somewhere deep down inside of me…it is the ones those whom Jesus said of: “For many shall call themselves by my name, but their hearts and minds are far from my teachings.”…that I do NOT accept nor will I EVER bow my knee down to. I do love the teachings of Jesus Christ.as I do all great teachers of peace, love, hope, charity..though I do have a problem with some of them, I believe it is those teachings in the bible that ring wrong with me…that were changed by Constantine and the council of hackers whom produced the first bible for use. So I do not really pay attention to them.

But what gets me about this story of this guy named Jesus…without all the extraneous bullshit…like the virgin birth, etc…was his core principle teaching and commandments (with my own revision because I truly believe that the original Hebrew translation…which was in the first King James but subsequently taken out stated: We made them in our image, male and female we made them like unto us. This would mean that there HAS to be a male and a female God…for a male God cannot make a female…it is not in his likeness, nor can a female God make a male…it is not in her likeness):

Love the Lord your God and Goddess with all of your heart and soul, and the second is like it…love your neighbor as you do yourself. On these two commands should hang all the laws.

Yet I am going to combine in judging my list here of the blessings and wrongs by both standards…mine and what these Christians tell me their God and Jesus are all about. I am going to use the bible too as a guide and what it says to make my list.

So here goes.

BLESSINGS:
1. My two sons top this list. Joshua and Austin are my most important blessings. Even though they were taken away from me by their cruel mothers and an evil system designed to destroy fathers for the sake of a buck….the two biggest blessings in my life are Joshua Michael LaFerriere-Fifer and Austin LaFerriere. There is a LOT of things I would have changed…but the birth of my two beautiful sons….nope.

2. My loving and caring “family” and friends. I have a lot of brothers and sisters from other mothers. They are much more blood to me than my own blood relations. Most of them are also survivors of the evil that I too went through. Most of them were raped, beaten, abused, by either a religious person or a supposedly loving family member. We all have survived some of the worst horrors, some of the most brutal degradations done to a child or a teenager. Yet we have somehow survived without becoming the evil that has tried it’s hardest to destroy us. We are good, kind, loving souls with generous hearts. We love each other because we have experienced the same things in life. We survived through horrendous ordeals to come to the point we are today, and we offer each other things that NO ONE has EVER offered us in our lives before…true love, without exception or condition….not based on a perverted, evil concept of love…if you want to call what these people did to us love…..we offer each other support and acceptance….and we stand tall together…when one of us is falling into another Dark Night of the Soul…where we feel no hope.

My true friends and family are a blessing to me.

3. My love and my skills as a nature photographer are a blessing to me. The fact that I can wander around in a forest, taking pictures of all the beauty I see around me, and then able to share it…well that is a blessing to me. The reality to me, that I can go anywhere in a forest and not feel fear of it? That I have admired the stars far too long to be afraid of the dark? To be able to say that I am NOT an evil person because I have actually had wildlife come right up to me and let me pet them? Or take pics of them? Yeah if I were evil….then they would NOT come near me. One thing I have learned from tramping in the woods and being around peoples pets…animals can tell when someone is evil…VERY RARELY have I EVER had an animal react strangely around me…or in fear of me…and that was more dogs whom were abused and are afraid of EVERYONE.

But my photography also blesses me because it brings me incredible peace and joy. In the forest I have no real fear…except for humans…so through my photography and being outdoors…it is a blessing.

4.  Music. Next to my photography, music to me is a blessing.

5. That I am even alive is a blessing. I think about all the times I should be dead. From almost drowning because of my stupidity at Bow Lake when I was 16, to that murdering rapist whom picked me up and drugged me and I woke up to raping me in the back of his RV, to my dedicated drug overdoses, especially when I dissolved all those pills in that glass of vodka, drank it….if it were not for that girl showing up that night…and knowing what to do….I would be dead. Or the other suicide attempts where I should be dead? The fact that I am still even alive…is sort of a blessing one would say. They would say I am here for a reason…if I tried to kill myself like this or survived these things….but hey…..look into the curse section too lol.

Well that is about all I can really think of for blessings. I mean hey…I am really trying…you know…even though I do go starving at least I do eat….or even though I am homeless…I have a friend whom is letting me crash on her couch til next week…but I cannot stay any longer as it would NOT be fair to her….it is my responsibility and if I cannot afford to live in my own place…then I gotta go live in my tent until I do. The biggest problem is security deposits…and anyone whom knows me…thinks that Catholic Charities is going to help me? After what I say about their Pedophile Pimps? Not in this lifetime.

Now honestly lets look at the negatives:

CURSES:

1. Even though my sons are the greatest blessings in my life….their mothers have been the greatest curses of my life. To have done to me what was done to me at the hands of their mothers…should be illegal. To have done to me what was done to me by Holly Hepp of the CPS in Ohio…she should be in prison for the rest of her life so she can never harm another father or their children ever again. Yet I am made out to be the one whom is wrong, the one to blame, the evil one, the one whom would rape his own sons or abuse them as Holly Hepp said to me.

No one can seem to understand the Catch-22 I am in here with my soul over this..as well as my life. Sure with Josh I got to be with him maybe a total of two months after his birth, but with Austin, hell I haven’t even been able to tell him I love him. Not even kiss him. Nothing. So here it is…I think about them and it destroys me. So I try to put them out of my mind to retain my sanity and it is even more of a curse on me…because what kind of father am I to not want to think about my sons? I love looking at their pictures, they bring me joy, but they also bring me incredible pain, because of all the loss…and then I hide the pic for a while so I do not have to look at them and then again condemn myself for it because…what kind of loving, caring father does this?

2. I guess I am supposed to consider being raped by a priest, to have my soul destroyed and taken from me and all the living hell I went through and been through because of it…and because of now standing up about it and demanding the Pedophile Pimps…hell anyone whom participated in these evils against us…be put where they belong…in prison….is a BLESSING? OK about the ONLY blessing I can consider coming from this is the fact I made some beautiful friends and family from it. Otherwise ANYONE whom got raped by a priest…or by any pastor, minister or supposed Holy Person…..would consider it a curse and evil and a HUGE NEGATIVE.

3. How about that scumbag whom picked me up hitch-hiking and drugged and raped me? Nope…I sure would NOT consider that a blessing…even in disguise!! Why did you NOT just kill me that day and get it done and over with?

4. The last scumbag, whom picked me up hitch-hiking….showed me those gay books, would NOT take no for an answer…drove down the dirt road before the Gloucester bridge and in MY MIND I was about to be raped again when he pulled out his knife. Well I guess being arrested when I flagged down that cop car and told him what happened, and the scumbag jerk being in the back seat of that car, and then pressing charges against me for assault with a deadly weapon, attempted armed robbery etc…well that is supposed to be a blessing too?

5.  My blood family turning their backs on me. Ok let me get this straight. Was I a problem kid? Freaking right I was. Did I steal cigs from my parents to smoke? Yuppers. Did I steal a check from my dad, cash it, bought a carton of cigs? Yuppers. I believe those were really my worse crimes. Yeah I skipped school….but hey….ya know? Did I steal porn mags from the local book store and sell them to my friends? Guilty! I wonder how many of us actually did this as kids? I know at least my older brother used to steal cigs and drink and smoke dope…but hey that was him…..the freaking hypocrite…and oh yeah…he did have a chance to get his girlfriend knocked up at such a young age….but hey I don’t have all the facts to judge him…but even though he does not have all the facts…he can judge me.

Yet in my older brothers eyes….that made me Hitler…hell that made me worse than Hitler.

When my life fell apart after the priest rape, or anything else…it did not matter to any of them….I was the black sheep of the family…well the ONLY one whom it mattered to was my father and mother…..and I damn well know my father…loved me and so did my mother. But to my brothers and sister…I am still the evil black sheep of the family, without one redeeming quality, bound for hell….so I got that going for me.

I ALWAYS thought that family…blood family…though they could get pissed off at the wrongs you did….unless you truly were a rapist, a murderer, etc….but come on…for this shit????? They were supposed to at least never disown you for this kind of crap. So yeah…I would consider the loss of my family…though I did wrong…this was NOT deserving….and I consider it a major negative. Yeah my older self righteous brother thinks I am such a Hitler that I should be banned from any family reunions that he may be at….and have me arrested if I decide to come. Gotta love older brothers like that. Should I BELIEVE what my mother used to say about him to me…how he was such a defender and protector of me when I was sick, had all those operations and was blind for a while because I had to wear eye patches? Nah.

6. Donohue and the whole Catholic Church. THEY ARE A CURSE TO ME. Need I say more? Cardinals like Timothy Dolan, George Pell, Donald Wuerl, Justin Rigali, Bernard Law, Roger Mahony and the whole lot of them…they are a curse not only to me…but to all mankind. They preferred to protect their pedophile priests over us whom were being raped and abused by them….and became Pedophile Pimps. They then became LYING PEDOPHILE PIMPS. when they all signed those Promise to Protect Pledge to Heal charters, the Dallas Charter and all the Charters with the United Nations on children’s rights. They became LYING PEDOPHILE PIMPS when they PROMISED to help us victims…then attacked us at every chance they could, saying they wanted to beat us with baseball bats, or we were to blame for our own rapes, or we were the seducers of these disgusting scumbag rapists. Or we are liars, gold diggers out looking for a payday. Or how we are Anti-Catholic bigot scum for daring to challenge them. Yeah this whole thing is a curse to me, a double edged sword.

For if I walk away…I am no better, hell I am even worse than they are. See I have a soul, I have a conscious…something people like Dolan, Donohue, Law and the rest do not have…I feel real pain when a victim comes to me with their story, or I read their stories. I feel real pain when I see what the scumbag Pedophile Pimps and their buddies are doing to us…when all we want is justice and healing…all they give us is more pain and suffering. Well they are a curse…and they deserve to be cursed.

I could no sooner walk away from this, or helping others whom were harmed by these scumbags as I could live without breathing. But it is a curse, a double curse…because this is also destroying what is left of my soul…..for my soul cannot take this evil much longer.

7. Christianists. Always telling me what to do…be like them!!! What? A bigoted, self righteous, hate filled scumbag? Well thanks but no thanks…you people have instilled enough hate in my heart for you that you make it almost impossible to do what your own Jesus tells you to do….love thy neighbor as thyself….for if I do like these Christianists do…I could rape a child, cover it up and say….oh I did not know it was a crime…and even if it is…..you should just forgive and turn the other cheek.

I also love their hatred towards women, gays, etc….They demonstrate to me the truth when Jesus said…Many shall call themselves by my name but their hearts and minds are far from my teachings.

I seem to attract these psycho, freak Christianists in my life in droves…why am I such a magnet for these psychos? Oh…it is because I tell the truth about them and it pisses them off.

8. MY LIFE OF ABJECT POVERTY. Oh Jesus and God….I am supposed to count as a blessing the abject poverty I have lived through in my life eh? Now wait a minute….I thought you guys were supposed to bless good people and curse bad people. That you all slammed these religious holy people living off the fat of the land? That you were supposed to punish the bad and reward the good. Oh I haven’t been being good just for the reward….like most of those Christianists attempt to portray they do…but fail miserably….I’ve done good because it is the right thing to do. Besides…that Spirit that is inside of me? Each and every time I claim I must be evil because of all the evil things that happen to me……it says NO I AM GOOD AND NOT EVIL. Yet again…in the bible, it says…As you sow…so shall you reap.

So hey…not to brag….but I have sowed a lot of good things…some incredible things….so how come????

I tried and tried to sell my photography…I do not want a hand out…I want a hand up. Yet nada for 7 years. I bust my ass to work and I do not deserve any pay for it? While your religious leaders basically sit on their asses, raping children, covering up the rapes of children, murdering children and burying them in septic systems…..and do all kinds of other evils…then go to their church on Sunday and you forgive them for all their evil…but you still shit on us? Oh and how rich do they have to be? Before some of that trickles down to us? They do not earn their pay…but you sure give it to them in stacks of $100s!!!

I am supposed to bow down and worship this type of God and his Son? REALLY? I am supposed to be grateful? I am supposed to count abject poverty where at the end of the month…like the last two weeks…I am lucky to eat one meal a day? While those fat pigs whom raped us and covered up the rapes of us look like they have not missed a meal in decades? Oh and then if I bitch about it…not only does that mean I am an ungrateful little prick….I get shoved deeper into poverty to see what it is like to have even less? I am supposed to thank you and love you for this? When I see you barely lift a finger to help me? But you sure the HELL lift your big fat hands to make those whom did these evils to us…not want for ANYTHING?

Yeah abject poverty…now I consider that a real BLESSING….not!!!

7.  That I am even alive. I have suffered so damn much. Jesus and God must think I am Superman times two. They really must. Look at all the loss I have suffered…if I look at it…my life is the life of Job in a way. Trouble is….there is a saying in the bible that goes…Suffer the children that they may come unto me. REALLY?

Unrelenting suffering is a way to make someone come to you? Raping them is a way to make them come unto you? Forcing them to live in abject poverty is the way to make someone come to you? Taking away their children and giving them to their evil mothers…that too is how you make someone come to you?

Listen bozos…I’ve tried….oh how I’ve tried…to come to you. I have begged you, I have screamed at you, I have threatened you, I have cried to you, I have pleaded with you…to help me…to show me God and Jesus Christ that YOU are worthy…of my love and faith…but you have NOT SHOWN ME ANY OF THIS!!!! You keep saying to have faith? Faith in what? That one day you are going to find that I have suffered enough? That I have lived in abject poverty, loss and suffering enough? When will that be please? I sure would LOVE to pencil it in on my calender. That I have been denied justice for the crimes done to me? Your sure did punish the living shit out of me when I broke into that hotel room and stole the wallet from the car. You sure punished the living shit out of me with a five year prison term over that utter and complete bullshit over my son Josh. You are even punishing the shit outta me for standing up to Pig Face Donohue.

So which is it Bozos? Do you truly hate evil like you say? God…you say you cannot stand the sight of evil. Jesus…you say it would be better for you to tie a huge millstone around your neck and throw yourself into the deepest of lakes than to harm a single hair on the head of a child.

Seems though….you do the exact opposite. You punish the good and you reward the evil.

Again…I am supposed to love you, follow you, bend my knee to you? Be like those whom proclaim to follow you and then do all manners of evil against humanity…and then claim they are doing it in your names and then you do not punish them….like you promised to do…but you sure the FUCK punish us when we stand up and fight it…like you supposedly tell us to do. Do you not tell us to fight this evil? Oh wait…I guess there is a caviat to this rule eh?

Those whom do fight this evil will be destroyed…is that not what you said? We whom fight this evil will be murdered, thrown into prison, slaughtered and butchered????

Wow… now you are making me wonder….why should I not join the bad guys if this is what you are going to do and allow to be done to the good guys. I thought God and Jesus were supposed to defend the righteous, to fight on our side…but hey…look honestly and realistically at it…if they are real…man are you guys dropping the ball.

So I would say essentially though my life is a blessing…it is more of a curse. I have been made to suffer some of the most evil things that can be done to another…and still to this day…I am still suffering.

Put it bluntly there God and Jesus…do I want to be rich? Yeah…I do not want to ever worry about putting a roof over my head, or food in my stomach…or wait until my clothes totally disintegrate before I can spend 5 bucks on a used pair of pants. I want to give my sons some beautiful things. I want to help many others whom have been harmed by your followers. I want to set up a foundation that truly and honestly helps the religious abuse survivor with their needs….but I guess this is wrong to ask for in your eyes isn’t it?

Because God and Jesus….you would rather make those religious freaks all fat and sassy and rich….than the children you supposedly love…but I guess we are the ones whom are supposed to suffer for truly wanting to follow you. While the hypocrite Pharisee and Sadducee get all the help they need from you. Oh wait a minute…I forgot….

I am not supposed to blame you…I am not supposed to blame YOU God or YOU Jesus for turning your backs on us….I am supposed to blame Satan and his followers….I guess this then all goes to prove…that when it comes time to fighting Satan and his followers….you arm your combatants with nothing and expect them to do everything for you…but give them NOT one drop of help…because I guess that would be messing with our free will again…wouldn’t it? Our free will to be raped, destroyed and live in abject poverty……because you deem that more fit for us…than you do for the scum whom did this to us…in YOUR names.

SO IN CLOSING…I COULD POST MORE NEGATIVES…BUT HEY THIS IS MORE THAN ENOUGH…TO SAY TO THOSE CHRISTIANS WHOM SAY IF I COUNT MY BLESSINGS AND MY CURSES I WOULD FIND THAT MY LIFE IS MUCH MORE BLESSED THAN CURSED….YOU’RE WRONG.

THEN AGAIN…MAYBE YOU CHRISTIANISTS WHOM SAY THIS TO ME…CAN PROVIDE ME WITH WHAT I NEED….CAUSE YOUR GOD YOU WANT ME TO FOLLOW SURE ISN’T. AGAIN…..I DO NOT WANT A HAND OUT…I WANT A HAND UP.