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Letter from Voice of the Faithful to Bishop McCormick of NH Diocese


New Hampshire Voice of the Faithful
P.O. Box 423
Concord, NH 03302-0423
January 9, 2003

Most Reverend John B. McCormack, D.D.
Diocese of Manchester
153 Ash St.
P.O. Box 310
Manchester NH 03105-0310

Dear Bishop McCormack:

The Steering Committee of New Hampshire Voice of the Faithful, representing eight chapters statewide, is deeply troubled by revelations this week of a previous bishop’s destruction of records associated with sexual abuse by a priest, and of records possibly destroyed under your own administration. A diocesan public relations spokesman said documents have not been destroyed since November 2000, leaving two years after your installation here in 1998 when such activity may have occurred. We find these disclosures alarming, since the permanent integrity of all diocesan documents going forward is a vital concern. Without the records of past sexual abuse by clergy, harmful practices endorsed less than one year ago might still be in effect today.

Given this history, we are sensitive to the implications of your agreement last month with Attorney General Philip McLaughlin that avoided criminal prosecution of the diocese. That agreement allows the destruction of the records of deceased priests accused of sexual misconduct upon the death of the accused. As the result of a recent tragedy involving the untimely death of a priest, you are now theoretically in a position to destroy his records.

We urge you to publicly pledge that the diocese will not destroy any more records associated with sexual abuse allegations against any priest, whether living or deceased. These records are a crucial archive of how the diocese has handled allegations in the past, how it is doing today, and how it will handle them in the future. We believe all these records, not just a summary of each one, should be maintained as a permanent archive. This is necessary both to provide a lasting record of the diocese’s response to these cases, and to keep them available as a resource for survivors of abuse who have not yet come forward. Such actions merely fulfill your own promise to assure the preeminence of the healing of those harmed over any other concern of the diocese (December 15, 2002 homily). We heartily support this focus and pray it will be implemented.

According to the diocese’s own numbers, released at the press conference announcing the agreement with the Attorney General, 43% of the New Hampshire diocesan priests involved in sexual abuse allegations are deceased. The diocese’s records on these priests can provide vital validation for survivors in coming to grips with the enormity of the abuse and betrayal they experienced. Ultimately, those records belong to the people of this diocese, and it is imperative that they be preserved.

The agreement with the Attorney General allows the diocese to destroy these records; it does not require that you destroy them. We ask you to immediately and publicly pledge to retain every page of every record of every priest ever accused of sexual misconduct in a permanent archive that will be an essential part of the diocese’s efforts to provide greater accountability on these cases.

We believe a strong and prompt pledge from the diocese to maintain these records will be a tremendous help in rebuilding the bridge of trust between the Church and those who are heartbroken and disillusioned by this crisis, as you yourself must be.

Respectfully,

Peter Flood, coordinator
New Hampshire Voice of the Faithful

Cardinal Timothy Dolan, RCC Apologist and NOT a Man of God


Ahhhh Cardinal Timothy Dolan, Roman Catholic Church’s biggest apologist and chief ass kisser of His High Unholiness the Papal Bullshitter Pope Benedict Arnold.

I liken the Papal Bullshitter as the Anti-Christ, the Spawn of Satan’s Loins and Dolan as his servant on earth.

You apologize like a good neo maxi zoom dweebie and you continue to stand up for your perverts of the Roman Catholic Church and your interests. Maybe it is because you one day want to wear the Fairy Red Slippers and be able to be the next Papal Bullshitter. Oh wait, you would have to wait until your Anti-Christ kicks off and dies and goes to the hell he so richly deserves to spend an eternity in, just like YOU Cardinal Timothy Dolan.

Dolan goes around screaming how us victims are picking on him, the RCC and the Papal Bullshitter. How unfair it is that we seek justice against the perverted rapist priests of his organized crime church. How it is wrong to belittle and besmirch his high unholiness and we should all stop picking on him and leave his sorry ass alone. How it is wrong to make the RCC pay money to us victims. How it is unfair to the church to pay us victims because the evil priest who raped us, or the bishop or cardinal who covered this up and shipped their perverted priests to other parishes so they could rape children some more are dead. Well they may be dead, but us victims are still alive. He screams how most of these people are dead and therefore would not be punished for their actions, yet the church and congregation of the church are the ones who will be punished for their behavior.

That is like saying that Hitler should have never been prosecuted for the behavior of his men under him or his own actions because it would be unfair to the people of Germany if they lost.

That is like saying the sadistic priests of your Inquisitions should never be prosecuted if they could be and that the millions of innocent men, women and children put to death under torture, brutality and evil under the direction of this church’s leaders should just shut the hell up and go away if they were not so dead from the leaders of the Roman Catholic Church actions.

See Dolan, you sorry excuse for a supposed holy man, you are just like all the other evil of the Roman Catholic Church. The Roman Catholic Church is responsible for the rape and murder of millions, but you losers think that you are all above the law. Lleaders like you Timothy Dolan may speak that you care, that you feel shame for us victims of your perverted rapist priests, but your hidden words that seem to always get revealed and your actions speak volumes that you are still one of the perverted, twisted, sick and evil leaders of one of the most bloodiest and evil of all the christian denominations.

Dolan, I seriously doubt that you are going to heaven when you die. I do have knowledge of Jesus Christ, at least the real spirit of Jesus Christ, not the one you freaking pay lip service to. I know for a fact that you, along with the rest of your evil leaders of the Roman Catholic Church are going to be spending an eternity in hell fire. See Jesus Christ does love us children. What did he say? It would be better for you to put a rope around your neck and attach it to a boulder and throw it into the deepest lake than harm a hair on a child? That Jesus Christ loved children most of all. He hated the religious and the leaders of the religious. So what does that say for your future eternity as well as that of your leaders and rapist priests? Seems to me that you all are going to be burning for all eternity in hell for the harm you all caused us children….and continue to cause to this day.

I often wonder how you as a church leader or your papal bullshitter, whom you apologize for all the time, would  handle one of the many insane nightmares I have had thanks to this perverted priest? I wonder how you would feel and react to nightmares where you would be gang raped by demons? Or put on a spit and roasted over a fire while the past Popes and leaders of the church dance in glee around your smoking and roasting flesh and then take turns raping you?  Where the priest who raped you comes up, takes your penis, rips it off from your body and chews on it with so much relish it is abnormal?  Where in these nightmares you actually really feel all of this pain, you really see all of this horror going around you.

After all of these nightmares I have had, I now know your future, but I honestly believe that you, along with the rest of the perverts and rapist of children’s minds, bodies and souls of the roman catholic church, will be the ones being roasted, having your body parts ripped from you and eaten and all the rapes from the demons, will be yours, just as it should be.

You all sicken me. You all disgust me. You are NOT a man of god nor do you truly know your lord and savior Jesus Christ. Yet I do, deep down inside of my heart and soul I know Jesus Christ….and trust me when I say….it sure the hell gonna suck to be your soul when you drop dead.

Shame, Guilt and Hate.


About a month or so ago two really great friends pretty much sat me down and talked to me. They told me after all I had gone through in life, I was still an incredible person. That I actually still cared and felt pain at the problems and wrongs of the world and other people. They told me though that even with my charm, people could feel the anger, hatred and pain around me every time I either opened my mouth or walked into their store. One of these friends were quite blunt to me. Either I do something about all of this hatred and anger that I had about what this priest did to me or I would die soon of either a heart attack or a stroke.

A few days after this I was having fun with slamming some bigoted and self serving christians I had met on a blog when one of them actually said something that I learned from. I could not say I honestly took control of my life back from the priest unless I forgave him for what he did to me. I also had to forgive god and jesus christ too because they really did not have any control over what the priest did to me due to free will.

This would be one of the hardest things I could ever do. How could I ever forgive this priest for what he did to me? To me he destroyed everything I knew and believed in up until that time. Sure I was a teen having my own doubts of faith with the Roman Catholic Church and it’s teachings, but I was still basically a Roman Catholic at the time of the rape.

How could I forgive the christian god and jesus christ? They never heard my prayers, my cries and my pleas to make this priest stop doing to me what he was doing to me. I grew up learning that at your darkest hour, God and Jesus Christ would answer your prayers and pleas. Here was one of their own priests raping me and they did not hear me.

My hatred towards the priest, god and jesus christ along with the church, has grown and festered for over 37 years. Like a cancer it grew, taking what was left of my soul. I felt that the night that this priest raped me, god condemned me to hell. That jesus christ felt shame towards me that I did not physically fight back this priest while he was raping me, that is why he did not answer my prayers.

Couple all of this with the fact I got an erection and ejaculated, and the shame and guilt that was on my shoulders and in my heart and soul, were overwhelming. Not only was I found guilty by this priest of breaking the 5th Commandment: Honour thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Even the Lords Prayer and the Hail Mary were never the same to me and I can barely even say each of them without getting physically ill from doing so. Up until recently I could barely go into a Roman Catholic Church without suffering a panic attack and the day I went to my fathers funeral at St Charles Parish in Dover NH was one of sheer terror and nightmares for me. I went out of love and respect for my father, yet if it had not been my father’s funeral, but the funeral of someone else, I would have never stepped foot inside that church that day. When I got home that night to my tent I suffered nightmares so severe I literally shook the tent down around me. I was so bathed in sweat and had such terrors that I had to go out and walk around Willand Pond for a couple of hours and sit in one of my all time favorite birch copses just so I could calm down again.

My hatred for god and the church is described in my blog about it. Yet that hate is very real.

I ended up doing a Pagan ritual to deal with a lot of this hatred, guilt and pain. It is one in which you write down the names of all the persons who ever caused you harm in your life. I wrote out the priests name along with the popes. I then burned the paper and scattered it to the winds. I released the hatred and pain. I released everything I could with this situation. I felt a lot of peace in my heart and soul afterwards. Even friends and relatives tell me I am much more calmer and peaceful than I have been in years.

Am I still pissed off at the Church? From this blog you can see obviously I am. I do not know if I will ever get all of this anger out of me for what this priest and what the Roman Catholic church has done to their victims. What his Unholiness the Papal Bullshitter Pope Benedict Arnold said at this christmas address still pisses me off to no end. Some of the responses I have gotten via email from another board I am posting about this, are down right evil in themselves. Two even said I enjoyed what happened to me because I got a boner and I shot off.

The shame and guilt does not belong on my shoulders, nor do they belong in my heart or soul. They belong in the priests who raped me. They belong to the Unholiness Papal Bullshitter Benedict. They belong to the bishops and other church leaders who knew what these priests were doing and then taking these priests who were raping children and moving them to a different parish so they could rape again. It belongs to the church lawyers who fight us victims every step of the way, who continue to do their best to shame us into silence with their non disclosure clauses to their settlements. Their lovely little settlements that do not amount to shit compared to the living hell their own priests put us through.

I imagine this Papal Bullshitter, the Pope Benedict, sitting right now in his fancy robes, with his fancy shoes, all of his little choir boys around him singing his praises. His staff serving him on the finest of china, eating the best of foods. Going to sleep on his soft, king size bed covered in the finest linens. I consider this sick pricks life. How he thinks that child pornography is normal and that sex between an adult and a child is not evil. Then I do something I rarely do. I pray for him. I pray he chokes on a chicken bone and goes to the hell he so richly deserves for all the harm he cannot see with his very own eyes.

The Evil of the Roman Catholic Church Leaders


His Unholiness, the Papal Bullshitter, Pope Benedict, said he wanted to do all he could to make sure the church took care of us victims. Yet he is full of shit plain and simple. He is more concerned with protecting his own damn ass and the church than he ever was protecting children from the perverted priests he has running his churches.

By his own damn words he convicts himself as one of the true perverts of the Roman Catholic Church. I am copying this report directly from http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/world-news/popersquos-child-porn-normal-claim-sparks-outrage-among-victims-15035449.html#ixzz1p7tlkhj3   and I am going to make comments as the sections go.

Victims of clerical sex abuse have reacted furiously to Pope Benedict’s claim yesterday that paedophilia wasn’t considered an “absolute evil” as recently as the 1970s.

In his traditional Christmas address yesterday to cardinals and officials working in Rome, Pope Benedict XVI also claimed that child pornography was increasingly considered “normal” by society.

How dare you, you sick and disgusting pervert leader of the Roman Catholic Church to claim that child pornography was considered “normal” by society. Which freaking society are YOU living in you sick and twisted pervert? I don’t know about you, but in the United States of America, you possess child pornography, YOU GO TO PRISON FOR IT, so is that normal to YOU, your Unholiness?

“In the 1970s, paedophilia was theorised as something fully in conformity with man and even with children,” the Pope said.

This just goes to show this pope more than likely molested children himself. He protects his child molesting priests, so what makes me think, with his reasoning and his words, that he himself does not molest children? How in the hell can he even call himself a man of god when he agrees that child porn and sex between an adult and children as normal and in full conformity? You are one sick and twisted individual Pope to be saying this crap out of your pie hole.

“It was maintained — even within the realm of Catholic theology — that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself. There is only a ‘better than’ and a ‘worse than’. Nothing is good or bad in itself.”
REALLY? You scream how abortion, contraceptives, homosexuality, etc is evil all the damn time. Yet Your Unholiness the Papal Bullshitter thinks that child molestation and child pornography is not EVIL?????

The Pope said abuse revelations in 2010 reached “an unimaginable dimension” which brought “humiliation” on the Church.

The ONLY humiliation that has been bought on the church is us victims. You could give two shits less about the victims, your Unholiness. You only care about protecting your ass, the asses of your pedophile priests and the billions the church has. You do not care one iota about us victims of your sick and twisted priests.

Asking how abuse exploded within the Church, the Pontiff called on senior clerics “to repair as much as possible the injustices that occurred” and to help victims heal through a better presentation of the Christian message.

First off how did this abuse explode within the church? Because the leaders knew about it and they freaking hid it. When they knew a priest was sexually abusing a child, what did they do? Did they turn them into the police department for prosecution like they should have? NO. Did they defrock the priest? NO. Did they bend over backwards to help the victim? HELL NO. What they did, these marvelous church leaders, including the present perverted Papal Bullshitter Benedict, was transfer these priests to other parishes so they could continue raping and molesting other children.

The leaders fought any and all attempts to bring this to light and they did everything they could to avoid prosecution of these priests and the leaders who covered it all up. They still are doing this. Yeah for about one year when this really broke out, they worked with the victims, mostly offering them as recompense for the horrors we went through, to pay for therapy and if the victim was lucky, they got about 20 grand for their ruined lives.

N.H. is a prime example of this. There was a Bishop named McConnell who actually cared about the victims and did what he could for them. Yet the Pope and all the other officials hate these kinds of Bishops. They want them to settle with the victims as little as possible.

Yet what price do you put on the pain and suffering we victims have been through?

I know what I am demanding. $25,000.00 per year for pain and suffering for 37 years of horror and nightmares, For all the suicide attempts and my undying hatred towards the christians and the christian god. I am also demanding $15,000.00 per year for 34 years for lost wages. Plus they are going to pay my lawyers fees and any and all money paid back to Social Security and Medicaid/Medicare for all the money they spent thanks to my insanity caused by the priest raping me. I am also demanding that the Roman Catholic Church set up at least six half way houses for abused men. Abused women have all the help they can get, but abused men have no where to turn to for real help. Well the RCC is going to help me rectify this at least in the state of NH. Either they settle for what I want or I will take their sorry asses to court and let a jury award me ten times this amount.

What better presentation will be the christian message? That the Papal Bullshitter, his bishops and priests can get away with raping children, covering it up, torturing us victims with your false bullshit? I do not want to hear a better presentation of the Christian message because as far as I am concerned, your Christian message is that you are special in that you can rape children with no punishment at all and think your god and jesus christ can protect you and when you die you are going to spend an eternity in heaven???? Bullshit, Papal Bullshitter, you, your bishops and your perverted priests will burn in hell for what you did to us children.

“We cannot remain silent about the context of these times in which these events have come to light,” he said, citing the growth of child pornography “that seems in some way to be considered more and more normal by society” he said.

Again, BULLSHIT from the professional Papal Bullshitter. You are trying your damnest to say this is normal and this is in no way freaking normal at least by real society. Child pornography is a horror. Children ripped off the streets and made to prostitute themselves, forced to appear in child porn movies and pictures. Why do YOU consider this normal unless you yourself, Papal Bullshitter is sitting in your damn bedroom each and every night jerking off your tiny little dick over pictures of naked little boys and girls eh? I will even bet with your own words, you are not looking on the internet for child porn, but you, your bishops and your perverted priests are prime producers of child pornography.
Maybe you Unholiness Papal Bullshitter Pope Benedict, should be gang raped so you know the horror that we victims of your sick and twisted perverted priests put us through…..but I actually think you would love it myself.

The Face of Suicide I


Standing on the swinging bridge with the noose around my neck I was thinking of reasons why I should not jump off the bridge. It was one of the most beautiful spots I have ever seen and it would be my last thing I saw, so how could I not just jump and get it all over with.

See I was tired of life again. This would make the seventh serious attempt at ending my life since the priest raped me in 1975. I believed him. I believed I was evil and god did not want me any more. I remember when the priest was raping me I was begging and crying to god and jesus christ to make him stop. Maybe this priest was right. I deserved what I was getting from him. Ever since I told my friend at Austin Cate Academy what happened to me by this priest, I felt my whole life was doomed. Why should I continue to live? Why don’t I just end it and go to that hell the priest had consigned my soul so very long ago?

I threw my left leg over the rope railing of the bridge when someone screamed: It is not your time yet. I turned and there was this blond woman at the end of the bridge. She ran over and told me to talk to her. I did not want to, all I wanted to do was jump. Especially after she bought up the name of Jesus Christ. When she did that I got royal livid pissed at her and I started screaming at her how much I hated Jesus Christ and god and christians and religion. I let it all out. I took all of my pent up anger out on her. I thoroughly trashed her, her christian beliefs, and everything else.

She took everything I threw at her. She just kept on smiling. That just pissed me off even more. I really started to go overboard, trashing her again, I told her if I was a woman I would wipe that smile off of her face.

Then she said something that stunned me. She told me all the hate I had towards her and jesus christ, they had one hundred times more love for me. That really blew me away. I talked to her then. I stopped screaming at her. I even stopped hating her.

We talked for a while and then she left. She took the rope just in case. I left the Dolly Copp area that day and two days later contacted mental health and started therapy.

Yes, suicide seems to be the only option sometimes for my life. Yet I am still here. I am trying to figure out why. I still haven’t come up with an answer to it.

St Thomas Moore Parish, Durham NH Priestly perverts


In March of 1975 I was bought to the St Thomas Moore parish in Durham NH by a police officer because I had ran away from an abusive foster home. That night the priest who was there destroyed my life. He raped me. Here I was, a 14 year old boy, scared out of his wits. This priest who was supposed to protect me, to keep me safe for one night, decided his perversions were more important to him than my soul and life.

He drilled into my head that night that I was getting what I deserved because I had broken one of the ten commandments of honoring my mother and father and that I needed to be healed from this evil. He decided the way he would heal me was through my performing oral sex on him, him performing oral sex on me and then performing anal sex on me. He kept telling me I had to take his sacred sacrament to be healed from my sin.

All the while he was raping me, he kept telling me over and over again that no one would believe me, that if I told anyone I would spend an eternity in hell and that I had to say the Our Father and Hail Mary over and over again.

All I have to say to this priest and the parishioners of St Thomas Moore’s Parish in Durham NH, is that one day, all of you will have to answer to your own God. The priest for his raping me and the parishioners for standing up for their church. You parishioners cannot even begin to understand the pain and holy horror we victims of your sick, disgusting, perverted priests perpetrated upon us.

You all just wish this scandal would go away and us victims just crawl back under the rocks we have hidden under in fear.

Well I will NOT go away. I will continue to shove this horror your priest perpetrated upon me in your faces.

The Parishioner of St Thomas Moore’s Parish in Durham NH are just as guilty as this priest and all the others who have covered up this incredible evil.

The Nightmares and Substance Abuse


One of our problems being victims of priest sexual abuse is most of us resort to substance abuse to deal with the pain and horror we have to hide.

To understand our pain, you would have to understand the betrayal that was perpetrated upon us.

I was born and raised in the Roman Catholic Church, attending St Charles Catholic Church in Dover NH. I received my First Communion and Confession there. I also went to a catholic school until we had to start going to Horne Street because the school burned down. It is drilled into your head from the very beginning that the priest, nuns and all the officials of the Roman Catholic Church are like speaking directly to God himself. Those punishments of the penguins you hear about, the rapping of the knuckles with the rulers, or sitting in the corner with a dunce cap on are all true.  They controlled your life, you believed EVERYTHING they said to you and if you questioned them……well you just did not question them.

I will not get into it but I left home at the age of 13. I went from one group home to a couple of foster homes. The last foster home I was in was an incredibly abusive uptight, right wing southern baptist bible thumpers. I only stayed a week or so and ran away. I spent the night with two girls I grew up with and the next day the police department bought me to St Thomas Moore’s church in Durham until the social worker they had assigned me to got me into Teen Haven group home in Rochester NH the next day.

That night changed my life forever. I will not get into the particulars of the rape, except to say he made me perform oral and receive anal and oral from him. What I will talk about is the psychology of the rape. All the while he was assaulting me, he kept telling me to say the Our Father and the Hail Mary. He also told me over and over again that no one would believe me over his word as a priest. Then he told me if I ever did tell anyone I would die and go to hell. He gave me the reason for doing this to me was to cleanse me of breaking the commandment of honoring my mother and my father. I remember the whole time he was raping me I was screaming inside for God and Jesus Christ to stop him, I begged them to make him stop, but they did not hear my cries of pain and shame.  Now can you imagine this being done to you?

Here you are, confused, scared because even before I got to the church I was scared outta my wits because I did not know if they were going to send me to juvie in Manchester. Also I knew very well what he was saying was true. No one would ever believe me what he was doing to me. As for my going to hell, well, again, hell was VERY REAL to me even at that age. I grew up in the 60’s, imagine the reality of hell to a young roman catholic boy. Dante’s Inferno was real to me. Now I was being raped by a priest who was supposed to protect me for one single night, but he allowed his perversions and sexual needs to overcome his common sense.

This priest took total control of my heart, my soul, my body and my mind.

I want to share with you one of the nightmares I started suffering right after I did tell a friend at the boarding school I eventually ended up at.

I am walking through the mist and woods and find myself coming to a cemetery. I hear moaning but I think it is more the wind I hear going through the trees around me. I see a shadow, then another one, glimpses of ragged shapes in the fog and mist around me. All of a sudden I feel something brush against my right calf. Then something grabs both of my feet and pull them out from under me. I land in some type of stinky goop, not really mud, almost smelling like an well used outhouse. As I struggle to get out of it, I only sink more into it, it is almost like quick sand but the harder I try to fight it, the more I sink into the stink. As I do these dead, decayed arms reach out of it and grab around me. My legs, my waist, my arms and shoulders and head are pinned and slowly they start to pull me deeper into the goop.I remember looking up trying to take a deep breath for my lungs and as I do a few half rotten skulls come out of the goop and start to laugh this hysterical laugh. All I hear over their laughing is you are going to hell in the air around me.

I am dragged deeper and deeper into the goop. My nostrils, mouth and throat starts to fill with it. I am gagging and trying to breath but I can’t. I am not dying though, I know this, but I cannot breath and I only wish to die. It goes on for what seems like minutes. Eventually I come out of the bottom of the goop, straight into the very pits of hell itself. I am gasping for breath but all I get is heated air from the pit. There is fire and screaming and moaning and pain. I can feel it in every part of my being. My heart goes out to the pain and suffering I hear. My soul weeps for it all. I hear all kinds of sounds that scare the living daylights out of me. Sounds of torture and screams and cries of why, why?

I am seeing even children being tortured, all of them screaming and crying out for God and Jesus Christ to save them, just like I had done while the priest was raping me, yet even here too, these beings we all believed in and prayed to did not hear these young innocent cries of the children. I wept for them like I had never wept for anyone before. My tears are all hot from the fires and pain and horrors I am witnessing.

The heat of the fires are scorching me but not burning me. In a way the goop that is all over me protects me from the full heat of the blaze. All of a sudden three demons dressed as priests grab me and drag me to a room. There is an assembly of men, all of them from the rulers of the roman catholic church.

I cannot repeat the things they say to me or the things they did to me in that room. Suffice it to say that it is ten thousand times worse than what the priest did to me. I can only say think of the tortures and sadism of the Inquisitions That is just a small idea of what these perverts of religion did to me for speaking out against the evil they do. I still cannot deal with some of these nightmares. I think though you can use your own imagination with what I have already told you to understand why I cannot tell this part of the nightmare. It is still too painful, even after 34 years, they are still too painful to deal with yet.

When I wake up from one of these nightmares, I am covered in sweat and just twisted. The nightmares are very real to me. It is no wonder that I turned to drugs and alcohol to block these nightmares because it seemed these were the only substances that I could use to block them? Most of us victims of these priests do. It takes a lot of therapy to learn how to deal with nightmares like I have….and I know many other victims have of these perverted priests.

For decades I took any and all drugs and drank anything I could. My poisons were mostly weed, crown royal and molson ale. I remember some friend and I counted all the blue bags I had saved from the crown royal I drank in one year. It was over 200 bags. That is a lot of alcohol if you ask me considering I normally drank about a six pack or a 12 pack of molson with it. Plus all the weed I used to smoke. I prided myself on being able to out smoke and put anyone under the table. I remember smoking through a quarter pound of really boss herb in ten days and buying two more ounces and smoking that within another week.

I am now pretty much clean and sober. I really no longer drink. Maybe a six pack if I am lucky every four or so months. Heck I bought a bottle of smirnoff and peach snapps two new years ago and they still sit half drank in my fridge. I learned through my nature and wildlife photography, my love of nature and backpacking, that I can find other ways of “escaping” the pains of the past and looking at beauty again.

I lived in ugliness for many many decades. Through my nature and wildlife photography I have started finding the real beauty of the world around me again.

I also would love to ask his High Unholiness Papal Bullshitter Pope Benedict, or many of the bishops and arch bishops and priests who did this to us children and teens, how they would feel to have even ONE of my nightmares, let alone where you have these kinds of nightmares over and over again for weeks at a time. Is it no wonder I became an insomniac? Is it no wonder why I turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with all of this?

Right after this priest raped me I became a pyromaniac. I burned a lot of things. I even got arrested at 14, about two or three weeks later for burning a box truck at the railroad tracks right down from the Teen Haven group home which got me sent to Austin Cate Academy in Center Strafford New Hampshire.

I would also love to hear how sorry the Papal Bullshitter is right to my face. Yet he is too punk and believes that child pornography and sex between an adult and child is considered normal, his very own words he gave in his christmas address. If you do not believe this, just google it and you will see I am right.

So Papal Bullshitter, Pope Benedict, what do you say? Care to have a couple of my nightmares? Oh no I already know what your doom is. Seeing you protected those who harmed innocent children. Seeing you allowed these perversions to happen and covered it up. Seeing you do not care about the suffering of us children. Well you are going to be spending a long eternity in the very hell of the nightmares I have had to endure in my life. I see you in the goop Unhonorable Papal Bullshitter, with your bishops and priests all around you, getting more than pitchforks shoved up your anal cavities.