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THESE ARE CRIMES, NOT SINS, GET IT RIGHT ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH!!!


THESE ARE CRIMES, NOT SINS, GET IT RIGHT ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH!!!

By Frank J LaFerriere

Dear Roman Catholic Church,
When YOU assholes call what you all did to us? When YOU call crimes such as child abuse, child rape, child slavery and yes, child murder just sins? YOU lessen the impact of these crimes.

Get it through your sick and twisted disgusting heads right now.

1. Raping children is a CRIME.
2. Covering up the rapes of children is a CRIME.
3. Enslaving children in your Magdalene Laundries is a CRIME.
4. Murdering children and victims, by their suicides, is a CRIME.
5. Gang raping and gang beating children, like you all did in your Industrial Homes, like the one at Artane, is a CRIME.
6. Standing up and defending these kinds of CRIMES makes YOU an accomplice.

Asking for victims of your crimes to forgive you is WRONG!!! We did absolutely nothing wrong, YOU DID. Why should we even accept YOUR FAKE APOLOGIES when YOU STILL blame US and attack US for your crimes against US? Why do YOU feel we should forgive YOU when you continue to do the following against us:

1. DENYING US JUSTICE FOR THE CRIMES YOU COMMITTED AGAINST US.
2. BLAMING US FOR THE CRIMES THAT WERE COMMITTED AGAINST US.3. ATTACKING US AS THE EVIL ONES FOR STANDING UP AND CRYING OUT ABOUT THE CRIMES YOU COMMITTED AGAINST US.
4. DECLARING US THE EVIL ONES FOR SPEAKING OUT AGAINST THE CRIMES COMMTTED AGAINST US BY YOUR PSYCHOTIC PEDOPHILE PIMPS, YOUR PSYCHOTIC PEDOPHILE AND ABUSIVE PRIESTS, YOUR PSYCHOTIC PEDOPHILE AND ABUSIVE NUNS.
5. USING YOUR SCUMBAGS PSYCHOS LIKE BILL DONOHUE OF THE CATHOLIC LEAGUE TO INSULT AND DENIGRATE US.

You all deserve to be arrested for your crimes against us. You all deserve to pay for your crimes against us, including the murder of us. For when ANY victim of your pedohiles have committed suicide, that is murder and YOU should be charged for it.

YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE CALLED HOLY MEN OF GOD. YOU DO NOT DESERVE DIGNITY AND RESPECT. YOU DO NOT DESERVE ANYTHING LESS THAN TO BE CALLED FOR WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE….

YOU ARE DISGUSTING CHILD RAPISTS. YOU ARE DISGUSTING PEDOPHILES. YOU ARE DISGUSTING PEDOPHILE PIMPS. YOU ARE DISGUSTING CHILD MURDERERS.

YOU HAVE RAPED HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN. YOU HAVE ENSLAVED THOUSANDS MORE IN YOUR LAUNDRIES. YOU HAVE BEATEN AND TORTURED AND BRUTALIZED THEM. YOU HAVE DESTROYED THEIR LIVES. YOU DO NOT DESERVE PRAISE AND WORSHIP FOR THIS, YOU DESERVE CONDEMNATION AND OSTRASIZATION FOR THIS. YOU DESERVE TO BE ARRESTED AND TRIED AND UPON CONVICTION FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY AND THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD, EXECUTED FOR YOUR CRIMES. NO GREATER CALL FOR A DEATH PENALTY PUNISHMENT THAN THE BRUTAL RAPES, BEATINGS, ENSLAVEMENT AND MURDER OF CHILDREN THAT YOU ALL HAVE DONE AND ARE GUILTY FOR SHOULD BE CALLED FOR. YOU DESERVE TO BE EXECUTED ACTUALLY, IN MY OPINION USING THE VERY TOOLS OF THE INQUISITIONS THAT YOU USED TO EXECUTE OTHERS!!!

 

The Popes Pear

The Popes Pear

The Judas Chair

The Judas Chair

Each and every one of the following named individuals, have overwhelming, convincing and clear evidence against, that they were in fact, Pedophile pimps, in that they moved dangerous pedophile priests, from one parish to another, covering up for the rapes and abuses of children by these disgusting pedophiles and then they raped and abused even more children.

THERE IS OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE AGAINST EACH AND EVERY FOLLOWING NAMED INDIVIDUAL, THEY PLACED THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH, ITS PEDOPHILE PRIESTS AND NUNS, IT’S PSYCHOTIC, ABUSIVE PRIESTS AND NUNS, BEFORE THE SAFETY AND PROTECTION OF CHILDREN.

There is clean and convincing evidence, against each and every following named individual, that they are part of the larger organization, The Roman Catholic Church and that worldwide, have committed atrocities and crimes against the children of the world and humanity that are overwhelming provable:

About 35,000 children and teenagers who were orphans, petty thieves, truants, unmarried mothers or from dysfunctional families were sent to Ireland’s network of 250 Church-run industrial schools, reformatories, orphanages and hostels from the 1930s up until the early 1990s. For six decades, priests and nuns terrorised boys and girls in the workhouse-style schools with sexual, physical and mental abuse.

This does NOT include the crimes against children and humanity, where ever these Roman Catholic Churches institutions were found, from Belgium, France, Italy, Australia, New South Wales, Germany, United States, Canada, and the world over.

EACH AND EVER ONE OF THE FOLLOWING PEDOPHILE PIMPS SHOULD BE ARRESTED AND TRIED FOR THEIR

CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY AND THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD!!!

Pope Emeritus Benedict

Cardinals: Adam Maida, Agostino Vallini, Angelo Scola, Angelo Sodano, Anthony Bevilacqua, Bernard Law, Dominik Duka, Donald Wuerl, Franc Rode, Francis George, Francisco Javier Errazurtz Ossa, George Pell, Godfried Danneels, Hans Groer, Humberto Mederios, John Cody, John Krol, Joseph Bernardin, Juan Cipriani, Justin Rigali, Keith O’Brien, Leonardo Sandri, Ludwig Mueller, Marc Ouellet, Norberto Rivera, Oscar Andres Rodriguez Maradiaga, Partick O’Malley, Peter Turkson, Raymond Burke, Richard Cushing, Roger Mahony, Sean Brady, Silvio Oddi, Tarcisio Bertone, Thomas Winning, Timothy Dolan, Vinko Puljic, Wilfred Fox Napier, William Levada.

Archbishops: Andre Richard, Anthony Sablan, Charles J Chaput, Denis Hart, Diarmuid Martin, Ernest Leger, Frank Little, Gerhard Ludwig Muller, Harry Flynn, Jerome Hanus, Jerome Listecki, John Charles McQuaid, John Clay Neinstedt, John Meyers, John Roach, Jose Horacio Gomez, Josef Wesolowski, Luciano Storero, Mario Conti, Peter Gerety, Peter Sartain, Pio Laghi, Rembert Weakland, Ricardo Ezzati Andrello, Robert Carlson, Silvano Tomasi, Theodore McCarrick, Valery Vienneau, William Cousins, Ricardo Ezzati Andrello.

Bishops: Peter Anthony Libasci, A.J. Quinn, Andrew Cozzens, Anthony O’Connell, Antonio Sarto, Bill Wright, Carl Mengeling, Christopher Foster, David M O’Connell, David Zubik, Donald Kettler, Edward Cullen, Eugene Laroque, Gabino Miranda, George H. Guilfoyle, George Leo Thomas, Gerard Frey, Henry Kennedy, Howard Hubbard, James Garland, James Hoeppner, James Kavanagh, James Murray, James Timlin, John B McCormack, John Doerfler, John Magee, Joseph Cistone, Joseph Devine, Joseph Imesch, Joseph V Adamec, Kieran Thomas Conry, Kenneth Povish, Laurence Glenn, Leo Clarke, Louis E. Gelineau, Marco Antonio Ordenes, Michael Bransfield, Michael Jarrell, Michael John Browne, Michael Malone, Patrick Cooney, Patrick Cotter, Peter Conners, Raphael Michael Fliss, Raymond Lahey, Richard Sklba, Robert C. Evans, Robert E. Mulvee, Robert Finn, Robert Rose, Roger Vangheluwe, Rogello Livieres, Seamus Hegarty, Thomas Curry, Thomas Daily, Thomas J. Tobin, Vincent Leonard, William Lynn, Wilton Gregory, Wojeciech Polak, Maurice Schexnayder.

A MESSAGE TO “FATHER” LEON GAULIN, ST THOMAS MORE PARISH IN DURHAM NEW HAMPSHIRE AND THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH


A MESSAGE TO “FATHER” LEON GAULIN, ST THOMAS MORE PARISH IN DURHAM NEW HAMPSHIRE AND THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH

Hey Leon, you pedophile psycho!!! How has been your life you disgusting piece of shit? Oh I know how your life has been. The investigator for Peter Hutchins told me quite a bit about your sorry ass.

Gee…like I know, unlike myself, you never missed one single meal, or had to worry where your next meal came from. Myself? Sometimes I had to dive into dumpsters and eat canned cat food.

I know how you NEVER had to worry about a roof over your head. While I have slept under bridges, houses, in parks, being homeless sometimes for months at a time.

We’re your dreams sweet Leon? Did you ever dream or have a nightmare about what you and the others did to me that night? I know now there were others with you Leon. I know why you gave me that drink of water. Funny how I do not remember pretty much anything after that…but I know something more horrifying happened to me at the hands of you and other priests that night. Did you dedicate me to the service of Satan? Did you sacrifice my soul on your altar? Is that why I felt I was a demon afterwards, so much so that I took the name of Damien from The Omen movies as my name? Why Leon, does Desmonds name stick in my head? Was he there? Did he rape me too along with a few others? I remember Desmond from St Charles. So tell me Leon, did you all seriously have to destroy everything about me that night? Do you feel proud of all the pain, suffering, horror that you brought and caused in my life?

As for myself Leon, I wish you could experience some of my nightmares, where I am in hell, being gang-raped by priests, and the very demons of hell. Typically Leon they end with you. See you now have the face of a demon, but I know it is you. You come over, rip off my dick and eat it. I feel EVERYTHING in these nightmares Leon. I sure wish you could experience them like I do.

WE KNOW YOU DID IT LEON GAULIN…WE KNOW IT. I KNOW WITH ALL OF MY HEART AND SOUL YOU RAPED ME, THAT EVERYTHING I SAID YOU DID TO ME THAT NIGHT, THAT NIGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP ME SAFE FROM HARM, THAT YOU FORCED ME INTO DOING THINGS THROUGH YOUR FUCKING PERVERSE USE OF YOUR PSYCHOTIC RELIGION. YOU RAPED ME LEON GAULIN, YOU SUCKED MY DICK TO SUCK THE DEMON OUT OF ME, YOU FORCED ME TO SUCK YOUR DICK TO TAKE YOUR SACRED SACRAMENT AND THEN YOU RAPED ME ANALLY WHILE FORCING ME TO DO PENNANCE WHILE YOU THREATENED ME WITH THE FIRES OF HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY IF I TOLD ANYONE ABOUT YOUR SPECIAL HEALINGS.

YOU PROVED YOUR DAMN GUILT THE MOMENT YOU DISCONNECTED YOUR PHONE AND PUT YOUR HOUSE UP FOR SALE IN MAINE AND LEFT FOR FLORIDA WITH YOUR HUSBAND, ESPECIALLY RIGHT AFTER THE INVESTIGATOR SAW YOU.

Here is my whole point of this Leon Gaulin and St Thomas More parish and all of you there, and to the Unholy Roman Catholic Church of Pedophiles along with that nasty, disgusting Bill Pig Face Donohue of the Catholic League.

ALL OF THIS PAIN AND SUFFERING YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CAUSED ME? I DON’T WANT IT ANYMORE!!! I DON’T WANT THE NIGHTMARES, I DON’T WANT ALL THIS EVIL YOU HAVE BROUGHT TO ME AND SCREWED MY LIFE WITH. I AM NOT THE DEMON, I AM NOT THE SATAN, I AM NOT THE ONE WHO WILL BE BOUND TO YOUR HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY. NO, NO MORE YOU LOW LIVES….NO MORE YOU SCUM….NO MORE YOU PEDOPILES, YOU DEFENDERS OF PEDOPHILES AND YOU WHO DARE CALL THEM HOLY MEN OF GOD!!!! NO MORE DO YOU FREAKING UNDERSTAND ME!!!

ALL OF THIS, ALL OF THIS EVIL YOU BROUGHT INTO MY LIFE, ALL OF THIS PAIN AND SUFFERING, ALL OF THIS TORMENT, ALL OF IT…..NOW BELONGS TO YOU LEON GAULIN, TO YOU THE OTHER PRIESTS OF ST THOMAS MORE WHO PARTICIPATED IN MY RAPE, ALL OF YOU PARISHIONERS OF THAT PARISH WHO STAND UP AND DEFEND THEM, ALL OF YOU PEDOPHILE PIMPS, LIKE CARDINAL TIMOTHY DOLAN, ET AL, AND YOU BILL DONOHUE OF THE CATHOLIC LEAGUE….ALL OF THIS IS NOW YOURS!!!!

YOU WILL ALL NOW SUFFER JUST LIKE I HAVE BECAUSE OF YOUR ACTIONS AGAINST ME. YOU ALL WILL NOW RECEIVE ALL THIS PAIN AND SUFFERING YOU CAUSED ME IN YOUR LIVES. ALL OF IT…..AND ALL THAT GOOD YOU ALL GET? THE BEING FED, HOUSED AND NEVER HAVING TO WORRY AGAIN ABOUT THOSE THINGS? NOW COME TO ME.

ALL OF THIS EVIL NOW RETURNS TO YOU ALL A HUNDRED FOLD. A THOUSAND FOLD. YOU ALL WILL NOW SUFFER THE NIGHTMARES I HAVE. YOU ALL WILL NOW SUFFER THE GUILT, THE PAIN AND THE EVIL I HAVE….IT NOW ALL BELONGS TO YOU. IT NOW ALL BELONGS ON YOUR HEADS, ON YOUR HEARTS IN YOUR SOULESS BODIES.

I CURSE AND CONDEMN YOU ALL, UNDER THE POWER OF RIGHT AND GOOD AND BEAUTY!!! I CURSE ALL OF YOU FOR STEALING MY LIFE AND GIVING ME ONE OF INCREDIBLE PAIN AND SUFFERING. I CURSE ALL OF YOU WITH THE VERY SAME THINGS YOU ALL DID TO ME. ALL OF THIS EVIL IS NOW YOURS…A HUNDRED FOLD, A THOUSAND FOLD…AND IT IS NO LONGER MINE. I REFUSE IT, I REJECT IT, I SEND IT ALL YOUR WAY, NEVER TO RETURN TO ME EVER AGAIN IN THIS LIFE OR ANY OTHER.

YOU ALL STAND CONDEMEND…BY THE POWER OF LIGHT AND RIGHT…..YOU ALL STAND CONDEMEND BY MY OWN POWER OF BEING MY OWN GOD!!!! I SEND THIS TO ALL OF YOU, TO YOU LEON GAULIN AND TO YOUR DISGUSTING PRIESTLY PSYCHOPATHS WHO RAPED ME THAT NIGHT. I SEND THIS TO THE ARCHBISHOP OF MANCHESTER…FOR DENYING ME MY RIGHT TO JUSTICE. I SEND THIS TO THEIR LAWYER….WHO USED A DISGUSTING LAW TO AVOID PAYING FOR THE CRIMES OF RAPE AND TORTURE AGAINST ME. I SEND THIS TO BILL DONOHUE AND CARDINAL TIMOTHY DOLAN AND ALL THE REST OF THE PEDOPHILE PIMPS OF THE UNHOLY CHURCH, WHO KNOWINGLY COVERED UP THESE CRIMES AND PROTECTED AND DEFENDED THE RAPIST OVER US.

I RETURN ALL OF THIS EVIL TO YOU ALL, A HUNDRED FOLD, A THOUSAND FOLD, FOR IT IS JUST AND RIGHT FOR ALL THE LIVES YOU HAVE  RUINED. FOR ALL THE CHILDREN RAPED, BEATEN, BRUTALIZED, FOR ALL THOSE YOU MURDERED, THROUGH YOUR FOUL DEEDS AND CRIMES. FOR ALL THE VICTIMS OF SUICIDE WHO KILLED THEMSELVES BECAUSE OF YOUR CHURCHES DISGUSTING ACTIONS I CONDEMN YOU ALL.

YOU STAND CONDEMEND BY THE LIGHT AND THE POWER OF A GOD YOU HAVE NO CLUE OR UNDERSTANDING OF. FOR I AM THAT GOD, AS ALL OF US ARE, AND I STAND IN THE LIGHT, NOT THE DARKNESS AS YOU DO AND I CONDEMN YOU ALL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HUMANITY AND THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD!!!!

YOU STAND CONDEMNED, UNTIL YOU ADMIT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE AND YOU PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES!!!! OR WHEN YOU DIE? YOU WILL FIND OUT THAT HELL IS REAL AND THAT IS WHERE YOUR SOULS WILL BE UNTIL YOU ADMIT THERE WHAT YOU DID WRONG AND PAY FOR IT. THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL YOUR SOULS BE RELEASED FROM THIS CURSE, THIS CONDEMNATION OF ALL OF YOU.

FOR I AM THE LIGHT, I AM NOT THE EVIL YOU ALL ARE….AND I NO LONGER ACCEPT YOUR JUDGEMENT OF MY BEING SO. I THROW THIS BACK AT ALL OF YOU, WITH POWER AND MIGHT AND LIGHT THAT NONE OF YOU CAN EVER OVERCOME OR DEFEAT. FOR YOU ARE CURSED BY THIS LIGHT, BY THIS POWER BECAUSE OF YOUR EVIL AGAINST CHILDREN AND AGAINST MANKIND. YOU ARE JUDGED EVIL BY THIS LIGHT AND AS SUCH, YOU MUST PAY FOR YOUR EVILS AGAINST THE WORLD.

YOU CANNOT OVERCOME THIS. THIS BELONGS TO ALL OF YOU AS YOUR KARMA. FOR AS YOU SOW….SO SHALL YOU REAP.

YOU SOWED HORROR, YOU SOWED PAIN AND SUFFERING, TO HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF US AS CHILDREN AND TEENS AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO REAP WHAT YOU HAVE SOWN. NOW IT IS TIME, FOR ALL OF THIS HORROR, ALL OF THIS PAIN AND SUFFERING OF MILLIONS FALL ONTO YOUR SHOULDERS. ONTO YOUR HEADS AND INTO YOUR LIVES.

SO BE PREPARED LEON GAULIN AND ALL THE REST. CAUSE HELL IS COMING FOR YOU. PAIN AND SUFFERING WILL BE YOUR LOT. YOU ALL WILL LOSE EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR….JUST LIKE YOU ALL DID TO US. YOU ALL WILL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST US. YOU WILL KNOW THIS WITH A FRIGHTENED HEART AND YOUR DEAD SOULS WILL KNOW IT TOO. YOU KNOW IT NOW.

SO ONE MORE TIME…..

ALL THE EVIL THAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME, ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING, ALL THE HORROR, ALL THE NIGHTMARES, AND THAT OF THE MILLIONS OF OTHERS SO HARMED BY YOUR DISGUSTING PEDOPHILES…..NOW LEAVES ME AND MY LIFE AND THEIR LIVES AND COMES TO YOURS LEON GAULIN, AND ALL THE REST OF YOU. FOR IT  IS NO LONGER MINE OR THEIRS….BUT YOURS.

SO MOTE IT IS….SO MOTE IT BE!!!!

Words have the power to heal, and the power to destroy and kill


This will more than likely be my last posting for this blog, Rape Victims of the Catholic Church.

Words have the power to heal, and they have the power to destroy and kill, and all the words thrown at me, by leaders, parishioners and others, for my speaking out about my priest rape, at the hands of Father Leon Gaulin at St Thomas More parish in Durham, and for demanding justice for not only that, but for all the others, who also went through the living hell that I did. For demanding all credibly accused Popes, Cardinals, Bishops and Archbishops who covered up these crimes, be arrested and prosecuted for their crimes, and for all the other victims, who went through such Roman Catholic horrors as their Magdalene and Good Shepherd Laundries, their Industrial Homes, their Women’s and Children Homes, and their Native American Children’s homes, or about all the suicide victims of this evil, about ten thousand of us, have either blown our brains out, hung ourselves, or taken drug overdoses, or killed ourselves in other ways and I dare state that any victim who killed themselves because of this..was in fact murdered by the Church…because if they had NOT been raped and brutalized in the first place, and then treated as the evil ones, the criminals, the seducers of priests et cetera, they would NOT have killed themselves….have finished their job and destroyed me.

I have been threatened with murder, that because I speak out, people want to take me out and murder me for it.
I have been told that I did not try to kill myself too hard and I should keep trying until I finally am successful.
I have been deemed an abomination, a homosexual, because I did not punch Leon Gaulin in the face when he was raping me. Because I did not punch him, that meant I not only wanted to be raped, I loved being raped and I am a homosexual because of it.
I have been told I seduced my rapist priest.
I have been branded a lair, a gold digger out looking for a payday from the Catholic Church.
I have been told I am an Anti-Catholic hater and bigot for speaking out.

When my lawyer, Peter Hutchins and I had our investigative interview with the Manchester Diocese lawyer and investigators, I was again branded as a liar.

I told them a Somersworth Police Officer brought me to the church. I know a police officer brought me there…I know it…I can still see him in my mind, his dark uniform and his rounded hat. I can still see him standing in front of Gaulin in the lobby talking to him. I know it was a cop who brought me there…but because Somersworth Police do not drive over city limits…well then I was a liar.

I told them I had NEVER gone inside of the chapel itself. I was in the lobby first, then we went through a doorway, turned left, and then went down the hall a little ways and turned right into a bedroom. I described the bedroom, the bed, with it’s dark wool blanket, the two dark head and foot boards. I described the dark curtains in front of the window. I told them about the two nightstands and how one of them, on the left, had a small waste basket in front of it. I described the colors of the walls as block painted white. I told them again, when they asked me, if I had ever been inside of the church and I stated again NO. That I had ONLY seen the outside of the church when going by it as a kid and I seem to remeber it was red brick on the outside of the chapel of the church.

I was branded a liar again, being told the chapel was RED TILED!!!

We filed suit against them and they had the suit dismissed through using the Statue of Limitations against us, when we filed a motion for the file of Gaulin and the blueprints of the place.

What was interesting in all of this? My lawyer sent his investigator to talk to Gaulin as he was living in Maine. Not two days after the investigator talked to him, Gaulin disconnected his phone, put his house up for sale and left for Florida with his husband, where they are safe. They have enjoyed their lives. without want, without need. They had roofs over their heads, their bellies full of food, all they could ever hope for apparently, rich from their real estate company.

WHILE  I LIVED A LIFE OF LIVING AND COMPLETE HORROR AND HELL. I THOUGHT I WAS THE EVIL ONE, THAT I WAS THE ANTI-CHRIST!!! SO MUCH SO I TOOK THE NAME DAMIEN FROM THE OMEN SERIES AS MY NAME.

I WAS HOMELESS, LIVING EACH DAY, BARELY SURVIVING. LIVING UNDER HOUSES AND BRIDGES AND ABANDONED HOUSES. DIVING INTO DUMPSTERS JUST TO GET FOOD. I WOULD STEAL BECAUSE BY THEN, THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY I KNEW HOW TO SURVIVE AND I ALSO PAID FOR THOSE CRIMES.

I WAS RAPED AGAIN, PICKED UP BY SOME FREAK HITCHIKING, WHO DRUGGED ME AND I WOKE UP TO HIM RAPING ME IN THE BACK OF HIS RV.

I WAS ALMOST RAPED A THIRD TIME…BUT THIS TIME DEFENDING MYSELF AND THEN BEING CHARGED FOR IT, BECAUSE THAT SCUM TOLD THE COPS I TRIED TO ROB HIM!!!

I LOST EVERYTHING BECAUSE OF THIS…EVERYTHING.

YES, WORDS HAVE THE POWER TO HEAL AND THEY HAVE THE POWER TO DESTROY.

WHEN THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH HAD A CHANCE TO DO WHAT WAS RIGHT….THEY DID NOT. THEY AGAIN, MADE FALSE PROMISES, THEY LIED TO THOSE INVESTIGATING THEM AND PROMISED TO ABIDE BY THE LAWS AND CHARTERS SET UP TO AVOID THEIR ARREST AND PROSECUTION, AND THEN ONCE THESE CHARTERS AND LAWS WERE SET UP, THEY BROKE THEM, BECAUSE THEY NEVER HAD ANY INTENTIONS OF KEEPING THEIR WORDS IN THE FIRST PLACE, THEY JUST DID ALL THEY COULD TO AVOID ARREST AND PROSECUTION AND ONCE THEY WERE SAFE…THEY WENT AFTER US ABUSE VICTIMS…USING THAT DISGUSTING BILL DONOHUE OF THE CATHOLIC LEAGUE AS THEIR ATTACK DOG AGAINST US TO USE ADS AND TV TO UTTER VILE, EVIL, DISGUSTING THINGS AGAINST US, TO BLAME US FOR OUR RAPES, TO DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN, TO BLAME US, AND ACCEPT ABSOLUTELY NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS.

THEY CONDEMNED US..AS LIARS, AS SEDUCERS OF OUR OWN RAPISTS, AS HOMOSEXUALS BECAUSE WE DID NOT PUNCH OUR RAPIST PRIEST IN THE FACE. THEY BRANDED US AS LIARS, GOLD DIGGERS OUT LOOKING FOR A PAYDAY FROM THEIR CHURCH….AND NO ONE REALLY STOOD UP FOR US, NOT EVEN POPE FRANCIS HAS YET TO CALL THEM ON THE CARPET FOR THEIR EVIL, NASTY, DISGUSTING ATTACKS AGAINST US!!!! HE HAS NOT EVEN OFFERED ONE WORD IN DEFENSE OF US AGAINST THESE ATTACKS, BUT REMAINS MUTE AND SILENT ON THEM. HE DOES NOT DEMAND THEY STOP THEIR ATTACKS AGAINST US…NOPE.

BUT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO TRUST HIM? YEAH RIGHT….THAT WOULD BE LIKE A BLACK MAN OR WOMAN TRUSTING THE KKK OR JEWISH MEN OR WOMEN TRUSTING THE NAZI’S…BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY COMPARRISON I CAN EVEN THINK OF WHEN THEY DEMAND OF US TO TRUST THEM…

Well I have had it.

But I am not going to go and kill myself in some out of the way place. I am not going to kill myself where my voice will NEVER be heard because of  the reason why I killed myself.

Cardinal Timothy Dolan….you cried about YOUR unjust burderns and suffering that would happen to YOU if New York ended their One Year Statue of Limitations with the following:

Dolan also explained that he wanted to keep the statute of limitations for child sex abuse victims to one-year, because if the church gets sued, “The perpetrators don’t suffer. There’s no burden on them. What suffers are the services and the ministries of the apostolates that we’re doing now. Because where does the money come from? So the bishops of 30 years ago that allegedly may have reassigned abusers, they don’t suffer. They’re dead. So the people that suffer are those who are being served right now by the church. We feel that’s a terribly unjust burden.”

Well then Dolan…YOU WILL SEE WHAT REAL TERRIBLE, UNJUST BURDENS I HAVE CARRIED BECAUSE OF YOUR ACTIONS, YOUR WORDS AND THE WORDS OF YOUR ATTACK DOG BILL DONOHUE AGAINST US…OH AND DO NOT WORRY YOU HOLY MAN OF GOD….I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTIONS OF HARMING YOU OR DONOHUE…BUT YOU WILL WITNESS THE HARM YOU AND OTHERS OF YOUR CHURCH HAVE DONE TO ME.

SO CARDINAL TIMOTHY DOLAN…YOU WISH FOR ME TO JUST KILL MYSELF SO YOU NEVER HAVE TO HEAR MY VOICE AGAIN? YOUR BUDDY BILL WANTS THE SAME? WELL OK….IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT….THEN THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL GET!!

BUT YOU WILL IN FACT WITNESS MY SUICIDE…RIGHT BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES…SO BEFORE I DIE….YOU CAN LOOK INTO THEM…INTO MY EYES…AND WITNESS THE HORROR THERE, TO SEE THE TERRIBLE, UNJUST BURDEN YOUR PRIEST AND YOUR CHURCH HAS DONE TO ME….AND I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT LOOK IN MY EYES…BEFORE I TURN THEM OFF…AND I HOPE THAT STAYS WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE….THAT MY EYES, MY DEAD, SOULESS EYES, MY EYES OF PAIN AND SUFFERING, MY EYES OF THAT TERRIBLE UNJUST BURDEN, I HAVE CARRIED FOR OH SO LONG…..WILL HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

SO BE READY CARDINAL TIMOTHY DOLAN….YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I DARE HAVE THE GUTS TO STAND UP TO YOU AND THE OTHERS AND YOU WANT ME TO SHUT MY MOUTH? WELL SOON, CARDINAL TIMOTHY DOLAN…VERY, VERY SOON….YOU WILL GET YOUR WISH…

I GOT SOME GOODBYES FIRST TO SAY…TO THOSE WHO DID LOVE ME, TO THOSE WHO DID ALL THEY COULD, WITH WORDS OF LOVE AND KINDNESS, TO HELP ME…AND ONCE THAT IS DONE…CARDINAL TIMOTHY DOLAN….YOU WILL SEE ME…BUT FEAR NOT CARDINAL…NO HARM WILL BE BROUGHT TO YOU…I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO WISH TO HARM YOU PHYSICALLY…I HAVE NO PLANS TO ATTACK YOU…CAUSE CONTRARY TO YOUR OPINION OF ME….I DO NOT GO OUT AND DO WHAT YOU HAVE CLAIMED I AM….

BUT I WANT YOU…TO LOOK INTO MY HORRIFIED EYES…MY EYES THAT CARRY THIS INCREDIBLY EVIL, UJUST BURDEN…RIGHT BEFORE I DIE.

Pope Francis asked us for forgiveness..my response to him


This is my first communion. I am in the first row with my two brothers. My older brother Joe on the left of me, my twin brother Paul on my right.

This is my first communion. I am in the first row with my two brothers. My older brother Joe on the left of me, my twin brother Paul on my right.

Not so long ago, Pope Francis asked priest abuse victims for forgiveness.

Yet how do those of us, whom were raped and had our souls stolen from us, whom committed suicide because of it, can give him forgiveness, or any of us so harmed, when he refuses to clean house of all the Cardinals, Bishops and Archbishops whom covered up these evil crimes and are still sitting in the positions that they are in?

How can Paul Anthony Carson, whom upon seeing the priest whom raped him walking down the street and then going home and hanging himself, being found by his parents, forgive him?

How can Emma Foster, whom was raped by Father Kevin O’Donnell, while at a primary school whom committed suicide because of it, forgive him?

How can Daniel Neill, whom committed suicide because of his rapist priest, Joseph Gallagher, forgive him?

How can the 30 boys raped at the St Alipius primary school, whom committed suicide forgive him for their rapes?

How can David M. Jarboe Jr. whom stepped into the parking lot of downtown Owensboro’s Blessed Mother Catholic Church and because of his horror from his priest rape, blew his brains out, forgive him?

How can the 40 suicide victims of another parish in Victoria Australia forgive him?

Or the thirteen victims of priest rape whom committed suicide in Belgium forgive him?

Or the thousands of others, whom committed suicide, because of their rapes and soul tortures by their pedophile priests forgive him?

How can the parents and relatives of these children, ever forgive him? Whom lost their child, due to the brutal rapes and soul destruction of them.

How can the parents of Paul Anthony Carson, whom cut him down, and were devastated forgive him? Or any of the other parents?

None of them can. Matter of fact, they are supposedly in hell, burning for all eternity, because the pain and suffering brought on by their rapes by Roman Catholic priests, committed suicide, which the RC teaches that if you do commit suicide, then you will burn in hell for eternity. I don’t believe they are. I believe they are in Paradise, free from all of their suffering, at peace and filled with light and love. They are the true Angels, the Guardians, the Protectors of us still here.

The horror, the suffering, the pain, of those of us, whom were raped, whom had our souls stolen from us, whom then were continually brutalized by the leaders of the church, whom told us we were to blame for our rapes, that we seduced their priests, that because we did not punch our rapist priests in the face, that meant we not only wanted to be raped, we enjoyed our rapes and we are homosexuals because of it, with all the connotations that goes along with that evil declaration against us, have driven many of us to kill ourselves. Or that we should consider our rapes as gifts from God, or many other equally disgusting insults thrown at us by those leaders whom are supposed to help us heal.

In my opinion, the Roman Catholic Church, from Pope Francis, to the Cardinals such as Timothy Dolan, Donald Wuerl, Roger Mahony, Bernard Law, John Niedstedt,  and many others, Bishops and Archbishops, are just as responsible, not only for the rapes of these men and women, but also for the suicides of these victims. They drove many to commit suicide over what they said about us, and that makes them as responsible for these suicide deaths as if they pulled the triggers themselves. You do not insult, nor you do not blame the victims of rape for their rapes.

No Pope Francis, until you do what you have promised us you would do. Clean house, stop fighting us victims when we seek justice for the crimes committed against us, with the church lawyers getting our cases dismissed using the statues of limitations.

When Parishioners start caring more about us, their very children of the church, whom were raped and brutalized, and many of you turned your backs on your own children, because you would rather support the leaders of your churches, over your very own children.

When people stand up and demand that the disgusting attacks against us, like Bill Donohue of the Catholic League, whom claims we seduced our priests, whom claims because we did not punch our rapist priests in the face when they were raping us, thereby, we not only wanted to be raped, we enjoyed our rapes and we are homosexuals because of it.

Then maybe, we will find it to forgive you all. We cannot do so, until all of you, truly repent, and start standing up for us, instead of those whom so harmed us.


The Catechism of the Catholic Church speaks about rape.

PART THREE
LIFE IN CHRIST

SECTION TWO
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

CHAPTER TWO
“YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF”

ARTICLE 6
THE SIXTH COMMANDMENT

II The Vocation to Chastity:

Offenses Against Chastity

2356: Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the education of the children entrusted to them. 

Start living up to your Catechism teachings. Start standing up for your sons and daughters whom had their lives devastated by a pedophile priest of this church. How many more of your children must die? How many more of your children will commit suicide before you finally wake up and realize that YOU MUST stand up for your own children over the Pope, Cardinals, Bishops and Archbishops of the Roman Catholic Church?

How many more parents are going to come home and find their child dead because of this evil?

Pope Francis asked us to forgive him?


Pope Francis asked us survivors of priest rape and nun abuse of the Roman Catholic Church to forgive him the other day.
After talking to quite a few of my brother and sister survivors well….we find it rather insulting. These are the reasons why.

1. To be forgiven you MUST repent. Even Jesus Christ says this. To repent means you turn away from the evil you are asking forgiveness for. So has the Roman Catholic Church and Pope Francis and those whom committed either the crimes of cover ups and moving around of pedophile priests, or the priests themselves whom raped and abused us, and thus destroying our faiths, our lives, truly repented? In the opinions of the majority of priest and nun abuse survivors the answer is a resounding NO.

To truly show repentance, the Roman Catholic Church and Pope Francis must show real concrete action in cleaning this mess up and not just lip service and more empty promises to us.

Pope Francis MUST immediately fire and prosecute to the fullest extent the law allows and give the harshest penalties to all credibly accused Cardinals, Bishops and Archbishops whom there is overwhelming evidence against they participated in these cover ups. We have positive proof many Cardinals, Bishops and Archbishops did in fact cover up these crimes against us. Through their own words, through Church documents, through whistleblower accounts by the likes of Father Thomas Doyle and other brave priests, nuns and yes, leaders whom find this evil just as disgusting as we do and a cancer destroying this church, we do in fact have overwhelming evidence, that if these people were brought before a court of law, they would be convicted of their crimes of cover ups. 80% of the Cardinals and other leaders currently in the United States participated in this cover up, there is more than enough evidence against them to prove this.

Their excuses are weak, they did not know this was a crime is one of the biggest insults that can be said to us. This has been said by many of those whom covered up these crimes, or that they were ill prepared to deal with this. Well to the victims of these crimes..this is just another example of hey…we know what we did was wrong, but we will make any excuse to cover our butts.

2. Another priest was found whom raped children and is now safely in Paraguay. His name is Father Carlos Urrutigoity. This is just one more of dozens of other priests whom have still escaped justice through the help of the Roman Catholic Church along with such Cardinals as Bernard Law.

Again, despite the clear warning, and complaints of sexual misconduct against him, Urrutigoity was allowed to continue living and working in the Diocese of Scranton. Two years later, he was being accused of sexual misconduct again, this time in court.

In a 2002 lawsuit against Urrutigoity, and another priest Eric Ensey and the Diocese of Scranton, the two priests were accused of a pattern of sexual misconduct. Urrutigoity was accused of giving alcohol and cigars to teenagers, sharing beds and sleeping bags with seminarians and inappropriately touching at least two young men. The alleged acts were cloaked in a bizarre dogma upon which Urrutigoity and Ensey had founded their society.

One former member of the Society of St. John said in a deposition that he slept in the same bed as Urrutigoity after the priest said it would help him overcome his “puritanical attitude.” After a few months of their sharing a bed, the seminarian woke one night to find the priest’s hand first on his abdomen, then on his penis.

In a deposition for the lawsuit, a former seminarian in Minnesota said Urrutigoity asked him to insert anal suppositories in front of him. When he refused, the young man said in a deposition, Urrutigoity was furious, calling the act a betrayal. Urrutigoity at least twice invited him to sleep in the same bed, the man said in the deposition. One night, he woke up to find Urrutigoity was molesting him, the seminarian said.

The Diocese of Scranton settled the lawsuit in 2004 for more than $400,000. It also sent Urrutigoity and Ensey to The Southdown Institute, an organization in Canada, for a detailed psychological evaluation.Instead he should have been defrocked and turned over to the police for prosecution.

Following that evaluation, the Diocese of Scranton’s Independent Review Board made its recommendation, which was noted in the confidential minutes of the board meeting:

“In view of the credible allegation from the seminarian, his admitted practice of sleeping with boys and young men, and the troubling evaluation by the Southdown Institute, Father Carlos Urrutigoity should be removed from active ministry; his faculties should be revoked; he should be asked to live privately.”

A criminal investigation launched by the Lackawanna County district attorney was stymied by a lack of cooperation from St. Gregory’s and Pennsylvania’s short statute of limitations on sex crimes, said Tom Dubas, the lead investigator on the case. Dubas wanted to launch a grand jury investigation, but never had the chance.

“As soon as it got out that I was interested in a grand jury, both priests just disappeared,” Dubas said. “We never did convene one.”
Then, in 2008, Urrutigoity began making headlines again, this time in far eastern Paraguay in the den of iniquity known as the Tri-Border Area.

In 2008, Javier Miranda, a Ciudad del Este resident who was once an active volunteer at local churches, learned of a recent influx of international priests. He decided to research the newcomers.

It didn’t take Miranda long to unearth the scandals that had followed Urrutigoity. Immediately, he protested against the priest’s presence in the diocese, and was soon joined by dozens more local volunteers and even a group of 12 local priests, who in 2009 signed a letter denouncing Urrutigoity as a divisive figure.

The bishop of Ciudad del Este, Rogelio Ricardo Livieres Plano, responded with a spirited defense of Urrutigoity, The priest had been slandered and persecuted, Livieres said. Miranda and other critics should join with the church in praying for a peaceful end to the controversy, he wrote on the diocese’s website.Miranda said far from being welcomed, he and the other vocal critics were ostracized by the church. Undeterred, Livieres continued to support Urrutigoity, not only was Urrutigoity active in the Catholic church in Paraguay, but he had been promoted to the position of vicar general, essentially the second most powerful post in the diocese of Ciudad del Este.

This rapist priest is still protected by the church. There are dozens and dozens more just like him, still protected and defended by those of the Roman Catholic Church.

This priest and all the others, including Cardinals like Bernard Law, whom is still protected by the Vatican, should be immediately fired, defrocked and prosecuted.

3. The church must stop hiding behind the statue of limitations they use against victims to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and paying for their crimes against us and make things right with the victims. Anything less would be pure hypocrisy.

They MUST keep their words and promises to us they signed onto with their Pledge to Protect and Promise to Heal charters with the Attorney Generals of each state.

The disgusting attacks against the priest rape victims MUST END. No more telling us because we did not punch our priests, we were responsible for our own rapes, or that we wanted to be raped and we enjoyed it and we are homosexuals because of it. No more blame games being put upon the victims of these evil crimes.

This is NOT a homosexual problem, this is a pedophile, hebephile and ephebophile problem. This is not just a sin, this is a crime, a FELONY crime and should be looked upon as such and these people whom have committed these crimes should be prosecuted. Just because they are the religious leaders of your church that does NOT give you the right to avoid prosecution for crimes you have committed, especially ones of rape, abuse and torture of children and teens. No more telling us priest rape survivors that we must forgive but must NEVER seek prosecution because that is Anti-Catholic and bigoted of us. Yes this problem exists in other denominations and other sections of the population. We find all of these crimes evil, disgusting and anyone whom rapes a child or covers it up should be arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and this means EVERYONE whom commits these crimes, whether they be a Roman Catholic or anyone else. Just because you wear a religious robe should NOT give you an out from being prosecuted for your crimes. If anything, they should be prosecuted with that much more vigor because these people portray themselves to be the moral leaders, the spiritual leaders, the head of the church. Jesus Christ would condemn them, so why should not we? Jesus Christ would say they should be prosecuted…for did he not say render unto God that which is Gods and render unto Man that which is Man’s? That means not only are we supposed to follow Gods laws, but mans laws to. Raping children and covering up these crimes are not only contrary to Gods laws, but man’s laws too.

In conclusion…if Pope Francis and the Roman Catholic Church wishes for us survivors of these evil, disgusting crimes against us, then they must first truly repent. This means doing all that I have described. If we were to forgive this, right now, without true repentance shown on your part Pope Francis then that would make us hypocrites.

For even Jesus Christ said…to be forgiven of your sins. you must first truly repent of your sins.

I have adopted many songs in my fight against the evil in the Roman Catholic Church


Once I came out of the priest rape and soul torture closet and revealed what happened to me, it has been quite a battle staying just alive.

There have been many times where I wished I had NEVER come out of that closet.

From the crap with Bill Donohue of the Catholic League, to listening to the stories of my brother and sister survivors and holding their stories in my heart and soul, to the newspaper and other stories about how this evil will NEVER seem to end and how the Pedophile Pimps, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, Cardinals Timothy Dolan, Roger Mahony, Donald Wuerl, Bernard Law, and oh so many others….seem that they are too well protected and will get away with their crimes against us.

There have been many “Dark Nights of the Soul” for me, where I did not think I had the strength to deal with just one more day, let alone one more heart wrenching story from a fellow brother or sister RCC abuse survivor. The stories are never ending tide of horror, betrayal, and complete and utter degradations by supposedly the most moral, holy leaders of our world.

These priests whom raped us, these nuns whom beat us and these leaders whom covered it up, have no souls. They have no morals. They have no hearts. They are complete and total degenerates. They are one of the purest forms of evil there is on the planet. When you rape a child or a teen, and you not only rape their bodies, but their hearts, minds and souls as well, that is a complete and total destruction of that persons being. Even the Roman Catholic Churches own Catechism could not have put it better in what the effects of rape is on a person, especially a child or a teen:

PART THREE
LIFE IN CHRIST

SECTION TWO
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

CHAPTER TWO
“YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF”

ARTICLE 6
THE SIXTH COMMANDMENT

 

Offenses against chastity

2356: Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person.

It does injury to justice and charity.

Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right.

It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life.

It is always an intrinsically evil act.

GRAVER STILL IS THE RAPE OF CHILDREN COMMITTED BY PARENTS (INCEST) OR THOSE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE EDUCATION OF THE CHILDREN ENTRUSTED TO THEM.

Just this week Pope Francis begged us survivors of priest rape and nun abuse to please forgive him and the church for what happened to us.
Yet Pope Francis…how can we forgive…when NONE of you have truly repented of your evils? How can we forgive you when the people whom did these evil, disgusting, degenerate deeds against us have not repented? Is that not the first thing Jesus said about forgiveness..to be forgiven you must truly repent, otherwise…you are just paying lip service to the ones whom you proclaim to not only follow, but are hypocrites because you do not follow his teachings?

Pope Francis…to show us survivors of priest rape and nun abuse by the Roman Catholic Church…that you are worthy of forgiveness, then YOU must truly repent and put the criminals where they belong. In prison. Anything less than this and you are only offering more empty words to us. These words you speak mean NOTHING to us unless it is followed by real, concrete action. That action includes completely and totally cleaning house of all these Pedophile Pimp Cardinals, Bishops and Archbishops and allowing the prosecution of them and not hiding behind the statue of limitations any longer to defeat those priest and nun abuse victims that deserve justice.

Yet in all of my dark nights of the soul, there have been two constant things that have saved me from going over the deep end and ending my life.
The first is all of my brothers and sisters in my new family. A family brought together by mutual horrors and evils that was perpetrated upon us when we were yet children and teens.
The second is music.

There are many songs I have adopted as a Warriors Song in my fight to stand up and fight for justice for all of us, songs that have incredible meaning and give me power to fight and keep fighting.
Where I get the strength I do not really know, but I do know that if I play one of these songs….they bring me roaring back to life and to the fight that seems to be my life’s mission, to bring to justice those whom would harm children in the name of their religion or hide behind their religion to harm children.

I am going to share some of those songs in hopes that they too, will give courage, strength and help my other brothers and sisters when they too go through their “Dark Nights of the Soul”. A lot of these songs though seem to be written by the band Disturbed.  First I will provide the lyrics to the song, then a youtube video link to the song.

Disturbed I’m Alive:

“I’m Alive”

Never again will I be dishonored
And never again will I be reminded
Of living within the world of the jaded
They kill inspiration
It’s my obligation
To never again, allow this to happen
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
Denying the sin
My art, my redemption
I carry the torch of my fathers before me

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I’d rather die
Though they will not understand
I won’t make the greatest sacrifice
You can’t predict where the outcome lies
You’ll never take me alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive

Change again, cannot be considered
I rage again, dispelling my anger
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
My art, my redemption, my only salvation
I carry the gift that I have been blessed with
My soul is adrift in oceans of madness
Repairing the rift that you have created
I am not alone, brothers, give me your arms now

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I’d rather die
Though they will not understand
I won’t make the greatest sacrifice
You can’t predict where the outcome lies
You’ll never take me alive

I’m no slave
Are you feeling brave?
Or have you gone out of your mind?
No more games
It won’t feel the same
If I hold my anger inside
There’s no meaning
My soul is bleeding
I’ve had enough of your kind
One suggestion, use your discretion
Before you label me blind

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I’d rather die
Though they will not understand
I won’t make the greatest sacrifice
You can’t predict where the outcome lies
You’ll never take me alive

I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive

Disturbed: Enough

We don’t want them, we want everything
and we told them, to want everything

We don’t want them, we want everything
and we’ve stolen in this suffering
and we told them, to want everything
but use caution in what you believe
and the haunted, deny everything
controlling in this suffering
and they’re broken, and lost everything
it’s so much easier to lead
take their hope away
take their life away
leave them nothing left inside

When your own have died
when there’s no more pride
when your soul is frozen, is that enough
when your heart is broken, a thousand times
with every moment, is that enough

Without warning, we take everything

Without warning, we take everything
I’m taunted in this suffering
and our forces, surround everything
make it impossible to see
take their hope away
take their life away
leave them nothing left inside

When your own have died
when there’s no more pride
when your soul is frozen, is that enough
when your heart is broken, a thousand times
with every moment, is that enough

HAVEN’T WE SUFFERED ENOUGH NOW
HAVEN’T WE SUFFERED ENOUGH NOW
HAVEN’T WE SUFFERED ENOUGH
THE DAMAGE MORE THAN I CAN BEAR
HAVEN’T WE SUFFERED ENOUGH NOW
HAVEN’T WE SUFFERED ENOUGH NOW
HAVEN’T WE SUFFERED ENOUGH
THE DAMAGE MORE THAN I CAN BEAR
Did they even have a reason why
countless sons and daughters had to die
can you even comprehend the pain
tell me when your…

Own have died
when there’s no more pride
when your soul is frozen, is that enough
when your heart is broken, a thousand times
with every moment, is that enough

When your own have died
when there’s no more pride
when your soul is frozen, is that enough
when your heart is broken, a thousand times
with every moment, is that enough

Triumph: Never Surrender

Out in the streets inspiration comes hard
The joker of the deck keeps handin’ me his card
Smilin’ friendly he takes me in
Then breaks my back in a game I can’t win

Jivin’, hustlin’, what’s it all about?
Everybody always wants the easy way out
Thirty golden pieces for the Judas kiss
What’s a nice boy doin’ in a place like this?

Never surrender
Keep your dreams alive
Never surrender
Hold your head up high

Modern apathetics, you got plenty of nothing to say
Some are born to follow, some will make their own way
Today you found a hero tomorrow you’ll forget
You’re looking for a convenient

Truth you haven’t found it yet
You don’t make commitments no time for regrets
You never take responsibility
Don’t you know that part of you is a part of me?

Never surrender
Keep your dreams alive
Never surrender
Hold your head up high

Never surrender, it’s easier said than done
But you got to finish what’s already begun
Never, that’s forever, seems like such a long time
But I only got one life to live, it’s gonna be mine

Never surrender
We cannot be denied
Never surrender
Spread your wings and fly

Triumph Fight the Good Fight

Days grow shorter and the nights are getting long
Feels like we’re running out of time
Every day it seems much harder tellin’ right from wrong
You got to read between the lines

Don’t get discouraged, don’t be afraid, we can
Make it through another day
Make it worth the price we pay

The Good Book says it’s better to give than to receive
I do my best to do my part
Nothin’ in my pockets I got nothin’ up my sleeve
I keep my magic in my heart

Keep up your spirit, keep up your faith, baby
I am counting on you
You know what you’ve got to do

Fight the good fight every moment
Every minute every day
Fight the good fight every moment
It’s your only way

All your life you’ve been waiting for your chance
Where you’ll fit into the plan
But you’re the master of your own destiny
So give and take the best that you can

You think a little more money can buy your soul some rest
You’d better think of something else instead
You’re so afraid of being honest with yourself
You’d better take a look inside your head

Nothing is easy, nothing good is free on earth
But I can tell you where to start
Take a look inside your heart
There’s an answer in your heart

Fight the good fight every moment
Every minute every day
Fight the good fight every moment
Make it worth the price we pay

Every moment of your lifetime
Every minute every day
Fight the good fight every moment
Make it worth the price we pay

Doro Pesch Children of the Night

Some are born to be
Those of us who lead
You hope they’re true and fair
The ones who really care
And some are born to fight
Everything that’s right
You see ’em everywhere

Some are born to wealth
Earned by someone else
And when their moment comes
They take it and they run
Some are born to be
Lonely refugees
Their heart must weigh a ton

Children of the night
Their dreams are filled with fright
They close their eyes and
Pray to God that help is on the way
Heaven help us all
Be a guidin’ light
To the children of the night

You know how it feels
Some wounds never heal
Scars of yesterday
Still won’t fade away
But I believe that we
Could join our hands and be
The ones to set them free

CHORUS:

Some are born to be
Those of us who leave
Their heart must weigh a ton

Scorpions Send Me An Angel

Wise man said, “Just walk this way
To the dawn of the light
The wind will blow into your face
As the years pass you by”

“Hear this voice from deep inside
It’s the call of your heart
Close your eyes and you will find
Passage out of the dark”

Here I am
Will you send me an angel?
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

Wise man said, “Just find your place
In the eye of the storm
Seek the roses along the way
Just beware of the thorns”

Here I am
Will you send me an angel?
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

Wise man said, “Just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself”

“Hear this voice from deep inside
It’s the call of your heart
Close your eyes and you will find
The way out of the dark”

Here I am
Will you send me an angel?
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

 

 

It is time for all good people to bring justice to the Roman Catholic Abuse Survivors


We arrest, we try, we convict and we imprison and execute, people whom rape children and murder children. This is the supposed norm of what we do to those whom prey on children. Yet we allow one religious organization, to rape children, to murder children, to destroy children with impunity, without going after them, without arresting them, without prosecuting them, without imprisioning them or executing them in the most horrible and gruesome fashion we can think of, because when you rape or murder a child, this is exactly what you deserve….but hey…the

UNHOLY, ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH OF PEDOPHILE PIMP LEADERS, PEDOPHILE PRIESTS, PSYCHO ABUSIVE NUNS, AND FREAK PARISHIONERS WHOM LOVE THESE PEOPLE WHOM RAPE AND MURDER THEIR OWN CHILDREN ARE ABOVE THE FUCKING LAW.

We have overwhelming, concrete, irrefutable proof, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if this evidence was heard by a jury, these scumbags would be convicted of their crimes….that the leaders of the Unholy Roman Catholic Church of Pedophiles…have moved rapist priests from parish to parish, state to state, country to country and are STILL DOING THIS TO THIS VERY DAY.

We have overwhelming, concrete, irrefutable proof, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if this evidence was heard by a jury, these scumbags would be convicted of their crimes, that these leaders and others of the Roman Catholic Church have in fact murdered children. We have the bodies and the graves to prove it. Yet again, the Unholy Roman Catholic Church seems to be above the law and not one of these evil fucks have every been arrested nor prosecuted for their crimes.

IT IS TIME, FOR ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE, THE GOOD, DECENT, HONEST, MORAL PEOPLE OF THE WORLD TO GATHER TOGETHER AND JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIE NETWORK….SAY WE ARE MAD AS HELL AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANY FUCKING LONGER!!!

WE NEED REAL PEOPLE TO FINALLY SAY…ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, WE WILL NOT ALLOW ONE MORE OF OUR CHILDREN TO BE RAPED, TO BE ABUSED, TO BE MURDERED BY THESE SCUM OF THE UNHOLY ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH.

WE AS A PEOPLE, NEED TO COME TOGETHER, TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM THESE EVIL, SOULESS, MONSTERS WHOM HIDE BEHIND RELIGIOUS ROBES….AND WE MUST DESTROY THEM AS A PEOPLE. WE MUST TAKE A STAND.

WE MUST STAND UP FOR OUR CHILDREN…WE MUST PLACE THE LIVES OF OUR CHILDREN FIRST, ABOVE THESE RELIGIOUS, SADISTIC, PSYCHOTIC FREAKS. WE MUST DESTROY COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY THESE PEOPLE OF SATAN, WHOM DESTROY LIVES.

ONLY UNTIL WE HAVE CARDINALS SUCH AS TIMOTHY DOLAN, BERNARD LAW, JUSTIN RIGALI, ROGER MAHONY, DOLAND WUERL, POPE EMERITUS BENEDICT AND ALL THE OTHERS, THEIR BODIES ROTTING WHILE SWINGING ON ROPES, HANGED IN FRONT OF THEIR VATICAN AND IN ST PETERS SQUARE FOR ALL TO SEE….THAT WE WILL NO LONGER PUT UP WITH THEIR POPES, CARDINALS, BISHOPS, ARCHBISHOPS, PRIESTS AND NUNS…RAPING OUR CHILDREN, MURDERING OUR CHILDREN AND THINKING THEY ARE ABOVE THE LAW BECAUSE THEY ARE THE LEADERS OF THIS PSYCHOTIC RELIGIOUS SECT.

WE EXECUTE CHILD RAPISTS AND MURDERERS ALL THE TIME, WE IMPRISON FOR LIFE EVIL, SOULESS, MORALESS, SCUMBAGS LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.

WELL IT IS TIME TO START DOING THE SAME THING WITH THE PEDOPHILE PIMPS, PRIESTS, NUNS AND THE SCUM OF THE UNHOLY ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH.

Frank J LaFerriere

Final Thoughts


A long time ago, I used to believe in a God and a Jesus Christ. I thought they were kind of cool really. Then came that night, about 34 years ago now, that all of this changed. That was the night that Fr Leon Gaulin, priest at St Thomas More parish in Durham New Hampshire decided he was going to show me the True God and Jesus Christ.

See I also grew up believing that God and Jesus loved us children. I remember anyone saying that if you harmed a hair on our heads, well it would be better if you tied a huge rock around your neck and throw yourself into the deepest of lakes than to harm a single hair on our heads. Gee what kind of hellish punishment awaits someone whom would harm a child? I came to find out. NONE!!!

ZIP, ZILCH, NADA, ZERO, NONE. NOPE NOT GONNA HAPPEN, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE ONE OF GODS OR JESUS CHRISTS PRIESTS AND THEY ARE RAPING YOU, OR THE LEADERS OF THEIR CHURCH WHOM AIDED IN OUR RAPES BY THEIR MOVING THESE PEDOPHILE PERVERTS AROUND.

I admit, I tried, oh how I tried, to believe in them again. I remember going to St Mary’s Episcopal…..nope no God there, nor Jesus Christ….just a bunch of two faced hypocrites…trying to one-upmanship each other.  I tried with the Baptists too. Hell I even went to Bangor Theological Seminary to study the Word of God and become a preacher. But nope….nothing there either…..seems every place I went to look for this God and this Jesus….they were not there…just a reasonable facsimile dressed up in religious robes spewing bullshit. About how God loves us all. About how Jesus loves us all. About how God will NEVER give you more than you can handle and bear and if he does…well then come to me all you whom are heavy laden with burdens, lay them at my feet and I shall take care of them….yeah right….just like a lawyer whom was supposed to take care of my case against the rapist did eh?

Then I learn that God and Jesus Christ has been just as much a hypocrite as their followers are…well most of those whom claim they follow……see apparently God and Jesus says they abhor evil. They hate evil, especially evil done to children…again and again…they state this in their supposed Word of God book called the Bible. Yet each and every day…thousands upon thousands of children are tortured, raped, beaten, murdered, go to bed starving, are sold into sex slavery for perverts. Or they are raped and abused big time by those whom proclaim that they are the moral leaders of the churches of this religion. Thousands upon thousands of those, whom dare call themselves priests, ministers, pastors, rabbis, etc…you know those holy people labels….have raped and destroyed children’s and teens lives.

Don’t believe me? Go to this link and check the cases….thousands upon thousands upon thousands of those whom proclaim to be God’s and Jesus Christs moral leaders and teachers raping and abusing children…and of course….God and Jesus…whom are supposed to love, defend and protect the children…turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to it all.

http://m.dailykos.com/story/2011/11/14/1036483/-For-People-Following-Clergy-Sex-Abuse-Here-Is-A-Current-List

So how can I explain my reasoning for what I am about to do in a way that people can really understand?

I could go the blunt way…I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT…I AM DONE BEGGING FOR A GOD AND A JESUS CHRIST TO HELP ME…THEN TURN AROUND AND SEE THEM NOT. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF GOD AND JESUS CHRIST AND MOST OF THEIR FOLLOWERS BEING DEAD ASSED HYPOCRITES. GOD AND JESUS ARE SUPPOSED TO ABHOR EVIL, PUNISH THE WICKED AND BLESS THE GOOD…BUT INSTEAD THEY DO THE EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE. THEY ARE HYPOCRITES AND THEN FOR BEING HYPOCRITES…I AM SUPPOSED TO BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP THEM, THANK THEM FOR BEING RAPED, ETC…AND LOVE THEM FOR IT….BUT THEN TURN AROUND AND HOPE AND PRAY THEY WILL GIVE ME A BREAK? FUCK THAT.

I could go this way….a way to truly explain it.

I met this man named Louis Romano. Seemed like a good guy standing up for priest abuse victims. Came out with a book called Intercession. Now Louis was a big cheering fan of mine, especially with my standing up to that disgusting, degenerate defender of Pedophile Pimps and Pedophile Priests, Bill Pig Face Donohue, President of the Catholic League for the Defense and Protection of the Pedophile Pimps and Priests of the Unholy Roman Catholic Church. He would tell me when I would get beaten up pretty bad…don’t stop…I support you…if you ever need anything get a hold of me.

Now it was nice that when I did get arrested for the Donohue crap he contributed some to the bail money…$50.00. So there I was…being used like a punching dummy. losing everything because of the other Roman Catholic piggies attacking me and destroying my life…and I went to him for help and his most infamous words….I will never forget. This is what he offered for help.

“Well at least you can check into a mental hospital, at least you will have a roof over your head. But hey…I know it is hard, but don’t stop fighting Donohue, I am behind you every step of the way.”

Yuppers….just like God and Jesus Christ…..they are supposedly behind me in fighting this evil, they supposedly abhor anyone whom harms even a single hair on the head of a child, they supposedly cannot stand even the sight of evil, and roundly condemn hypocrites and the Pharisee and Sadducee. So you fight this evil and what does God and Jesus Christ do when you beg them for help?

They fucking tell you to go check into a mental hospital.

Nope in my opinion, from this long fucking life of pain, suffering, poverty, injustice, and pure, unadulterated evil? God and Jesus are either not there…they are fake, or they are there and they just do not give a shit…or this God and Jesus are actually the Satan and Evil Ones and prove it by turning their backs on the children….while defending those pedophile pimps and priests whom did this evil to us.

So again…I am supposed to get down on my knees and thank this God and this Jesus Christ, for my rapes, for my abuses, for my losses, for my injustices, for my poverty, for my fucked up life….and I am not supposed to get mad…because hey…God and Jesus works in mysterious ways and always have a plan laid out for you….so if your a child let me clue you in on something.

If someone mentions God or Jesus Christ to you, especially a priest, a minister, a preacher, a rabbi or others?

RUN KID….IT IS A TRAP….THESE PERVERTS ARE ONLY TRYING TO PROGRAM YOU…SO THAT WHEN THEY RAPE YOU….THEIR GOD AND JESUS CHRIST CAN SIT THERE UP IN HEAVEN FILMING IT SO THEY CAN SHOW IT AT THE NEXT PORNO PARTY…BECAUSE NOTHING GETS A GOD AND A JESUS MORE FUCKING HARD THAN THE SCREAMS OF CHILDREN BEING RAPED, BEING BEATEN, BEING TORTURED, CRYING OUT FOR THEIR HELP…BUT TURNING THEIR FUCKING BACKS ON THEIR CRIES…AND PROTECTING THE FUCKING EVIL SCUM WHOM ARE DOING THIS.

SO FUCK IT…GOD AND JESUS…..YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES…I AM OUTTA HERE…I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE, COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY REJECT….YOUR LIFE YOU HAVE SUPPOSEDLY GIVEN TO ME. YOU CAN NOW TAKE THIS AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR PEDOPHILE, CHILD ABUSING LOVING FUCKING ASSES.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO HELP ME? FINE. FUCK YOU…GO HELP THE RAPISTS OF CHILDREN BECAUSE THAT IS ALL YOU ARE FUCKING GOOD FOR AND YOU HAVE PROVEN IT TIME, AND TIME, AND TIME, AND TIME, AND TIME AND TIME AND TIME AND TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

YOU WANT ME TO LOVE AND WORSHIP YOU FOR THIS? FUCK YOU.

SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS…BUT FIRST REMOVE THE FUCKING PRIESTS DICK FROM YOUR ASS.

I have also learned you never stand up to God, Jesus Christ or their Pedophile Pimps and Priests or any of their religious holy people whom rape children or assault children, or beat children, or torture children…because as it also says in the bible

‘SUFFER THE LITTLE CHILDREN THAT THEY MAY COME UNTO ME.”
Fuck you God…Jesus…we have suffered enough and we certainly are not coming unto you…because you have proven to us again and again and again, you would rather defend, bless and protect the scumbag Pedophile Pimps and Priests than you would those whom they raped and destroyed.

And you say your the lovers, defenders and protectors of children?

Yeah fucking right and I got a bridge to sell ya.

But hey…that is ok….you have shown me this again and again and again…and now….you can fucking shove it up your fucking pedophile loving ass…because I REFUSE to live under this tyranny of your shit any longer. Go make one of those fat fucking Cardinals like Timothy Dolan starve for a while…he looks like a fucking piggy.

Support the victims not the victimizers


Frank LaFerriere: Support the victims not the victimizers

Published Date Thursday, April 24,2014
From the Link: http://www.berlindailysun.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=49465:frank-laferriere-support-the-victims-not-the-victimizers&catid=73:letter&Itemid=428

To the editor:

If you were to find out that the leadership of a group or organization you belonged to had appeared before commissions and grand juries and openly admitted to covering up the abuses of children, from rape to severe beatings, to even the death of a child, and that this involved tens of thousands of members own children, and that the cover ups are wide spread throughout the organization or group, you would think that the membership of the group would rise up in arms and make sure that the leadership is arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extent the law allows. That they would stand up and defend and protect their children over the leadership of their group or organization. Yet there is one such organization…though there are others….that its leadership is totally immune from liability for crimes such as these by it’s membership. This organization is known as the Roman Catholic Church.

While they have come far with this problem of child abuse, the Vatican announced that for 2011-2012 almost 400 priests had to be let go because of credible accusations of child abuse, including rape, there is still much to be done. While it is commendable that they caught and fired these priests, what about those whom participated in the cover ups of these crimes? Why are they not called to account for their crimes of the members own children? Why are the leadership of the church put above the law and those whom they have harmed? Why are they defended and even praised or made a saint?

There have been at least a half a dozen commission reports, like the Ryan Report, that detail the systematic sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual abuse of children and teens, children of the Roman Catholic Church; and the cover ups of these abuses by the leaders and even their highest leaders, ones whom are supposed to be the Vicars of Jesus while on this earth and in their position. Yet even to this day, not one credibly accused leader has ever been arrested or prosecuted for their crimes save one, Bishop Robert Finn and that case is being retried. Matter of fact, one of these, John Paul II was given sainthood. There is overwhelming evidence he participated in the cover up of and through acts of omission, turned a blind eye to, the pederast Rev. Marcial Maciel, founder of the Legion of Christ. Yet he is given sainthood? This is an insult to all those whom are survivors of these evil crimes against us.

There are some incredible priests and leaders of the Roman Catholic Church. I have met some of them. From Fr Tom Doyle, ret., whom has fought tirelessly for the victims of priest abuse, at the cost of his being a priest, to even our own local priest Fr Kyle Stanton whom has helped me immensely, to groups like Catholic Whistleblowers, and others, they have sort of restored my faith that this problem of priests and nuns abusing children and teens will stop. Yet to truly set things right the following must be done.

1. All credibly accused leaders, from Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, to Cardinals like Timothy Dolan, Donald Wuerl, Roger Mahony, Bernard Law, George Pell, and many others, against whom there is overwhelming evidence, through commission reports, grand jury testimonies and the churches own documents, must be fired. They must be arrested and prosecuted. We do this to other criminals, we demand this of any rapist or those whom cover up the rapes and abuses of children. They may be leaders of the Roman Catholic Church, but these men are criminals and deserve to be arrested and prosecuted and the victims deserve their day in court and justice for the crimes committed against them because of these leaders actions.

2. Abide by the Pledge to Protect, Promise to Heal charter all of the diocese of the Roman Catholic Church in the United States signed. All attacks against the victims must stop. We are not responsible for our rapes, we did not enjoy being raped. We are not homosexuals because we were raped by a male priest. We are not liars, gold diggers who are out looking for a payday from the Roman Catholic Church.

We are your sons, we are your daughters, who want justice, whom want those who perpetrated these crimes against us punished, whom went through one of the most horrifying and terrifying experiences a human being can go through. We trusted these priests and nuns and they destroyed that trust with their evil crimes against us. We were raped, we were beaten, we had our souls, our hearts stolen from us, we had our bodies destroyed and abused. We did not deserve this, we were not willing participants and we refuse to remain silent while those whom are responsible for these crimes against us go free while we still remain trapped inside the prisons they created for us.

3. No matter what….put your children before your leaders. Protect and stand up and defend your children….not the leaders whom committed these evils against us. Your children should come first. Stand up for the victims of these crimes, whom are your own children. You may know one. Again, we are your sons, your daughters, your nieces and nephews, your God children, whom you vowed and promised to protect and defend.

I started going back to church. I even started photographing St Annes, an incredibly beautiful place of worship. I had no choice though, I had to stop because I felt like such a hypocrite. Far too many of us whom were victims still see those responsible for these evils against us in their positions as if nothing in the world is wrong. We victims are still being attacked, by people like Bill Donohue, President of the Catholic League. We are still being attacked by parishioners whom have called me a liar to my face and how dare I spread lies and rumors and false accusations and gossip against the leaders. Well, sadly, I am not spreading lies, rumors and false accusations, these statements I have made can all be proven beyond a reasonable doubt in a court of law if it were allowed.

Yet while these leaders whom perpetrated these crimes against us are still in power, I cannot in good conscious go into the church. I cannot be part of a church where the leadership covered up the crimes of child abuse, child rape and put the church before the children and are still in power, for that makes me a hypocrite in my eyes.

I would love to go on a regular basis to St Anne, to be among the other worshipers, some of whom I made acquaintance and even friends with, especially Fr Kyle, but I cannot, for while the wolves are still in control….someone must stand outside the door for the defense and protection of the children and the victims.

Sin is one thing…sin can be forgiven when there is true repentance from the sin. There has been no true repentance among the leadership whom covered up these crimes. There have been staged acts of contrition, but no true repentance. For if they are to truly repent they must also submit to prosecution for the crimes they committed. They must not hide behind their robes of religion. If they seek to make laws for man like they do, they also must submit to the laws of man and be arrested and prosecuted for their crimes. No one, not even religious leaders, should be allowed to get away with crimes against children. They should not be above the law!

When it comes time to the crimes of the rapes and abuses of children and teens and the cover up of these crimes by the leadership…only justice in a court of law, where the victims may have their day in court to see those responsible for the crimes against them be tried and if found guilty sentenced to prison…that is true justice. The Roman Catholic Church promised this to victims and to prosecuting attorneys…but have failed to deliver on this promise. Instead they still fight the victims and hide behind the statue of limitations to deny justice to the victims. Ask yourself is this true justice? If you were raped would you say this is true justice?

In closing whom do you think Jesus Christ will stand up for in the end?

Those whom perpetrated these crimes against children and teens…or the children and teen victims?

Here is a clue: “For it would be better for you to tie a huge boulder around your neck and throw yourself into the deepest of lakes than to harm a single hair on the head of a child.”

Well the leadership of the Roman Catholic Church did a lot more than harm a hair on the head of a child. Whom are you going to stand besides? The ones Jesus Christ would stand up for? Or the ones He would toss into the pit of hell for their evils against children?

Frank LaFerriere, Berlin

I don’t want to hate anymore. Help us forgive Commentary


I don’t want to hate anymore. Help us forgive

When I wrote this letter and asked that it be published in the Berlin Daily Sun I meant every word as I wrote it. I am so tired of being angry all the time, of being hate filled all the time. It wasn’t doing me any good. It was killing me, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I have found that living in hate and anger for what was done to me only created a cycle where it just grew more hatred and anger in me. The more I thought I was getting it out in the ways I was getting it out through being just plain mean and nasty was the way to somehow get rid of the evil I saw inside of me. The only thing is…it made me look like a complete and total raving lunatic and the people whom could have helped me get through what I have been going through were turned off by what I was saying and doing. I understand that now.

I did something Friday that I NEVER thought I would EVER do again in my lifetime. I was at a crossroads that day. I could either allow this rage, this hate this pain to continue to destroy me, to take away what was left of my heart and soul…or I could change it. What got me to do so was simply on Friday morning I thought I was an abomination before the eyes of God and thought I had been condemened to die by his orders.

Around noon in desperation I met my best friend whom had suffered similar abuse at the hands of a parent as I did from the priest. I have NEVER been able to say two prayers since that night at St Thomas More parish, the Our Father or the Hail Mary without massacring it and changing the words to it that disgraced it. Instead of Our Father who art in Heaven I would always replace the Heaven with Hell, even when I went to masses at St Mary’s Episcopal in Daytona. I felt if I could go to the church to say both of these prayers from my heart then maybe I was not considered an abomination and God had not condemned me to die.

I was scared to death walking up those stairs if it was not for my friend I do not know if I really would have had the courage to do this. I also gotta admit in hindsight…it did happen to pick one of the WORST WEATHER DAYS in Berlin to do this lol…really???/ 40-50 mph wind gusts? Driving rain? I am not trying to make light of what happened that day..but wow….Walking across Mason Street bridge was pretty freaky both going over to met my friend and then walking back across to go to the church then walking back with her across again.

I am not really going to get totally into what happened next some of it is incredibly privately spiritual for me. But I did go into St Anne’s and blessed myself. I said the Our Father. I started the Hail Mary and I heard this voice that went sssshhhhh just listen. They were doing the Kyrie Elision as it was the noon mass for the All Souls day. Again I will not describe what happened while repeating the Kyrie, but I can say this…right after….I must have cried like a baby for how long I do not know and my friend even had to help me to the door cause I was still pretty wet eyed…but I was actually free. We got outside and she said to me see…You are NOT condemned by God nor are you an abomination. Jokingly I said to her well let’s wait until I am off the property. Once we got off it…well.

Oh and when we crossed Mason Street Bridge again…it was no longer stormy but my friend and I both noticed something. We have a beautiful view to the Mt Monroe and Adams peaks of the Northern Presidential Range of the White Mountains. Even though there were still storm clouds they were breaking up and you could see the whole valley glowing under sunbeams.

I went to my first mass in a Roman Catholic Church to celebrate Mass on Sunday. During the offering of the peace I stood there and I looked around the whole church. I looked at all of these people. I looked at their faces. Most of them had nothing but smiles on their faces and I could see the love in their hearts. As they offered each other Peace I tried to think of even one reason why I should hate them, why should I even be angry at them? I could not think of one reason why. I offered my peace to them all. I then wondered if it was right for me to take communion. I will not say the sign I got…but I got one that told me it was alright.

After mass I met with Father Kyle. He told me he had read my letter but wasn’t sure to really make of it and was taking a wait and see approach. He told me just by my walking through the church doors let alone staying through the mass proved much.

I do NOT want to hate anymore. Matter of fact I can say with all honesty that I have truly forgiven the priest whom did what he did to me. I have forgiven everyone. One of the things I experienced was I saw Jesus on the Cross. Heck I was right there with him for somehow he allowed be to be right there with him in his body. I could feel everything they had done to him.  I also saw all those whom hated Him, all those whom reviled him, spat on him, threw punches at him. Those whom had whipped him and beaten him to within an inch of his life. Then I saw all those whom loved him. His mother, his friends. Jesus did not concentrate on those whom hated him when he spoke the words Forgive them Adoni for they know not what they do. He was concentrating on those whom were present whom loved him. That gave him the power to forgive and love those whom hated him. That has stayed with me through this. I am going to use the power of love and of those whom love me…to forgive those whom have harmed me and others and try to help them change their hate into love with the power of the love I found in Jesus while he hung on the cross.

I thought long and hard if I should remove this blog as it is no longer a reflection of who I am now or whom I am going to continue to be. Many of the postings in this blog show me at my worst. I was vile in many of them. I called some people names like Mr Donohue that were just an incredible expression of the anger and hatred I felt inside. I have released all of that. I no longer wish to fight Mr Donohue even, but maybe work with him in a way. Same with others too. I decided though to keep it up and even add onto it. I want to remember where I was through all of this. I want to remember when I raged against the machine, used these foul words and expressed myself in this way. I want to see the anger that was in me during this time. Years from now when I look back at this new chapter in my life I will compare it to the previous one of hate and rage and see how far I really have come. All I know is I no longer own the hatred, the anger, the pain and suffering in my previous words. Those are gone now. Those belong in the past, not in my future.

I can even tell I have changed because a lot of my fellow Survivors of Religious Abuse are pissed off at me because I used to be so nasty and now I have done a complete 360. When I told them I no longer hated the priest who raped me, I no longer even hated Mr Donohue, that I wanted to actually also work with the priests and nuns whom abused us in love and compassion and not in anger and hatred a lot of these Survivors tore me a new one and said I was a traitor privately. Well I am no traitor either. I just got sick and tired of being hateful all the time, of being angry all the time. Of hearing true friends telling me this over and over and over again that I was too hateful. I may have a right to be angry at what happened to me but I had gone to borderline psychotic hate and no one wanted to deal with me anyway. We have every reason to want justice for what was done to us…but to perpetuate hate and anger and all the things that goes with it does no one any good, least of all those whom are trying to heal from this.

This is what living and wallowing in hate and anger will get ya. Well I am tired of wallowing in it and I refuse to turn back now.

I remember going to the Cursillio when I went to St Mary’s. We had gotten our stuff unpacked and was having our first meet and greet. These two men came up to me and hugged me then said: “If you only knew the power of the spirit inside of you, you could move mountains. The hate and anger inside though will not let you see it. If you could get rid of that, you could spread your wings and fly.”

They were right, So was Dick. So was others. I am now spreading my wings and flying and I refuse to go back to that hate and anger again.

Even to my brothers and sisters in Survival whom may think I am a traitor or hate me right now for my freedom…I will always love you all and I will always welcome you back with open arms.

I don’t want to hate anymore. Help us forgive

To the editor,

I speak not from hate, but from hope.

When I was diagnosed with PTSD over my priest rape, I thought it was bull. I believed that the ONLY people whom could be classified as someone with PTSD were soldiers or those in war zones. Then my therapist started explaining to me what a person whom they diagnose with PTSD goes through, what their life is like…it was like they wrote most of that definition for me.

Yet people still think what I went through can simply go away if I just get over it, forgive the priest, forgive the church, forgive those whom harmed me. That if I just forget…somehow this will make me all better.

To those who think this way do you may not realize, for 33 years I hid what that priest did to me. During that time I tried to forget, but it only made matters much, much worse. I felt guilty, I hated myself for what he did to me. I even called myself the Antichrist because of it. I actually took the name of Damien from the Omen series for my name. This is a fact. This is how evil I thought I was for what the priest did to me.

 Yes I have spoken out in harsh language and foul words against this, because in my mind, in my heart and soul, nothing is more heinous than raping a child. Nothing deserves more condemnation than the rape or any harm done to a child.

The Church continues to deny us true justice. What is the harm in victims of crime asking for this? Wouldn’t you ask for justice if you were a victim of a crime? I hear it time and time again, that people would just wish we would shut up and go away. That we are Anti-Catholic when we speak out like this, when all we really are is anti-child rape and we seek justice for ourselves and far too many who, when they were children and teens, were harmed in this way. I do not only speak out against anyone in the RCC who do this, but to all who do this. In my eyes, it does not matter what position you hold when you harm a child, be you a priest, minister, teacher, or what have you. You rape a child, you harm a child and I will be all up in your grill.

We have been called liars, we have been told because we did not fight back, we are guilty of what was done to us. Imagine being told this? The thing is, when this is said of other victims of rape, people come to their defense and say how shameful this is. We who speak out about our crimes done to us at the hands of the Roman Catholic Church, sadly do not get the same treatment. We are victims of one of the most heinous evils that can be perpetrated against another, so much so that it is spoken of in the Catechism.

“Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the education of the children entrusted to them.” (no. 2356)

How can anyone expect a victim of such an evil act ever come to the point of healing, of forgiveness for those whom committed these crimes against us when we hear these things said about us? If YOU wish for us to forgive you, to heal from these evils, then you must stand with us not against us. All we ask for is justice? Is that wrong? Would YOU not want the same for someone you loved and was going through this?

I onced loved the RCC with all of my heart and soul. When I was a young boy taking my Catechism and doing my First Communion…I was hooked to the beauty and the mysticism and most of all…the love of God and Jesus Christ. That I just had the incredible honor of having my first Communion, of taking the Holy Body and Blood of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ into me and that meant the world to me at that moment.

That was taken away from me in one night due to the perversities of a priest. How can I forgive this priest, when he himself will not even admit what he did to me? How can I forgive him when the church fights me at every step just to obtain some justice for the crime that was done to me?

So when you hear us survivors of these crimes against us, speak out in anger, pain, and in horror about the evils done to us…do not condemn us…help us…In the name of God and Jesus Christ, help us heal from all of this suffering and pain. In the name of God and Jesus Christ stand up for us. If you wish for us to truly come back, to be fellow followers of God and Jesus Christ, then help us do so by standing for us and not against us. We do not want to destroy your church, we want to clean it from these evils so it can be the church it is supposed to be.
I do not want to hate anymore, I want to heal and forgive those whom committed these crimes against myself and so many others.

In the name of God and Jesus Christ help us heal our pain, help us heal our suffering. Help us.

Frank Laferriere

Berlin

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