The Face of Suicide I
Standing on the swinging bridge with the noose around my neck I was thinking of reasons why I should not jump off the bridge. It was one of the most beautiful spots I have ever seen and it would be my last thing I saw, so how could I not just jump and get it all over with.
See I was tired of life again. This would make the seventh serious attempt at ending my life since the priest raped me in 1975. I believed him. I believed I was evil and god did not want me any more. I remember when the priest was raping me I was begging and crying to god and jesus christ to make him stop. Maybe this priest was right. I deserved what I was getting from him. Ever since I told my friend at Austin Cate Academy what happened to me by this priest, I felt my whole life was doomed. Why should I continue to live? Why don’t I just end it and go to that hell the priest had consigned my soul so very long ago?
I threw my left leg over the rope railing of the bridge when someone screamed: It is not your time yet. I turned and there was this blond woman at the end of the bridge. She ran over and told me to talk to her. I did not want to, all I wanted to do was jump. Especially after she bought up the name of Jesus Christ. When she did that I got royal livid pissed at her and I started screaming at her how much I hated Jesus Christ and god and christians and religion. I let it all out. I took all of my pent up anger out on her. I thoroughly trashed her, her christian beliefs, and everything else.
She took everything I threw at her. She just kept on smiling. That just pissed me off even more. I really started to go overboard, trashing her again, I told her if I was a woman I would wipe that smile off of her face.
Then she said something that stunned me. She told me all the hate I had towards her and jesus christ, they had one hundred times more love for me. That really blew me away. I talked to her then. I stopped screaming at her. I even stopped hating her.
We talked for a while and then she left. She took the rope just in case. I left the Dolly Copp area that day and two days later contacted mental health and started therapy.
Yes, suicide seems to be the only option sometimes for my life. Yet I am still here. I am trying to figure out why. I still haven’t come up with an answer to it.
Posted on March 14, 2012, in Bill Donohue, Bishop John McCormack, Cardinal Dolan, Cardinal Timothy Dolan, Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, Child Pornography, Child Sex Abuse, Christianity, Christians, Clergy Abuse, Clergy Sex Abuse, Guilt, Hatred, Hell, His Unholiness The Papal Bullshitter Pope Benedict, James Salt, Manchester Diocese, Manchester Diocese of the Roman Catholic Church, Manchester NH Diocese, National Survivors Advocates Coalition, Nightmares, Pedophile, Pedophile Priests, Perverted Priests, Pope Benedict, Priest Child Sex Abuse, Religion, Reverend John B. McCormack, Roman Catholic Church, Roman Catholic Church Sex Abuse, Shame, SNAP Survivors Network for those Abused by Priests, St Thomas Moore Parish Durham NH, suicide, William A Donohue and tagged abuse, Bill Donohue, Bishop John B McCormack, bishops, Cardinal Dolan, Cardinal Timothy Dolan, Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, child abuse, child porn, child rape, child rapists, child sex abuse, christ, christianity, christians, church, crimes against children, durham new hampshire, durham nh, evil, jesus christ, pedophile, pedophilles, perverted priests, perverts, pope, pope abuse, pope benedict, priest abuse, priest sex abuse, rape, rapists, religion, roman catholic church, roman catholic church sex scandal, roman catholics, scandal, sex abuse, sex scandal, st thomas moore parish, St Thomas Moore Parish Durham NH, suicide, victims of rape, William A Donohue. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.